14 weeks.

Merry Christmas everyone!  Yesterday was great...baby was spoiled before he's even here.  We got a lot of awesome gifts for the little one.
So today I'm 14 weeks along.  Now in every book, every website, and every doctor's office I'm considered to be in my second trimester...which in my opinion last week was that milestone, but none the less, I like the respect from everywhere.  haha.
Tomorrow we have our 3 month check up, and I'm very excited.  I'll post all about it tomorrow.  I'm going to be going over some questions with my midwife about breastfeeding, sex during pregnancy, and some of my birth plan.  So I'll be sharing what I learn and what not.  =)
I'm feeling great this week, and I'm getting bigger.  I'm pretty excited for this baby to get here already.  I think I'm ready to start the nursery so this week I'm gong through our bedroom and rearranging things.  I'll post pictures as it comes together!

Hospital Guest List & coming home.

I decided to write about this because this is something I've recently been struggling with.  I've always been the farthest thing from modest or shy and I always imagined tons of people in the room with me when the baby is born.  I wanted my sister, my mom, my cousin, my mother-in-law, my dad, and my step-dad, on top of my husband, my midwife, her assistant, and of course me.  The more pregnant I get, the more ridiculous this all sounds.  I've become a more secluded person, and when I imagine my dream birth now, I imagine just my husband and I...if I could do this without my midwife, I would.  I imagine a little room, with candles everywhere, and the intimate moment of my husband and I bringing the little life into the world.  But that's not realistic these days, so I've been putting thought into it.  My one bit of advice for anyone out there like me-all your guests can sit in the waiting room!  I think it's important to consider how you will feel in that moment, not how you feel now.  It's hard for me, because I want to share that moment with everyone, but it's our natural instinct to want to birth alone.  And I think those feelings start to develop during pregnancy.  Most animals go to be alone in a safe place to birth their litters, and humans aren't much different.  I think for me a big part of it is looking vulnerable infront of people I'm not willing to look vulnerable infront of.  I think this is also nature speaking...most animals won't look vulnerable infront of anyone for fear of attack or someone spotting your weakness.  This is a moment where you are exposed, you are stressed, you are scared, you are in pain, you are protective, and frankly, a little crazy.  So it's important to consider who you are willing to have there with you.  For me the first one I crossed off my list was someone very close to me...while she is one of my best friends and I'm very close with her, she tends to laugh at moments that I need seriousness, she makes a joke out of pretty much anything, and it's usually at the person's expense.  And while I love that about her any other day, I am scared I'd flip out on her during birth and say something I might regret.  So even though you love things about people right this second, consider your sensitivity on birthday.  The next one I crossed off the list was my dad-he hates blood, and still thinks of me as his baby, and I'm not sure i really want to rock that boat.  Plus, who wants their dad to seem them naked?  I know I don't.  Next was my step-dad.  The reason I wanted him in the room was to balance my husband.  My husband is very sympathetic and coaxing, I know he'll be there to rub me down, and tell me I'm doing great, and not to worry.  And while I need that, at the same time, if I stop cooperating, or start to give up, I need that person that's gonna tell me to shut up and buck up...that's Monty for me.  He was always the one at my ball games telling me to walk it off.  But I decided I wanted to have both of my dad's in the waiting room where I'll be laboring a lot, so they will still be there to experience the day with me, and stretch out their support.  After I eliminated those people, I eliminated everyone [like I said, I'd do this all myself if I could]  But realistically I have settled on my husband and my mom, and his mom if she feels comfortable at the moment.  My husband and my mom have been the ones my whole life who have seen me at my worst, seen me naked, and cleaned up my worst.  Plus, who's the one you want most when you're sick?  Mom.  So she is definitely going to be the voice I need in the room.  I invited my mother-in-law, because this moment is about Thomas too, and I figured she had 5 kids, so I'm sure she might know a trick or two.  ;)  But it's not a forced thing, she might feel uncomfortable seeing me in a way she never has, or she may feel out of place, so I'm leaving the decision ultimately up to her.  But 3, plus me, plus my two doctors, seems like plenty to me!  And who knows, I might get crazy and kick everyone out!  haha.  I think my advice is to leave your options open and to consider what you will want then, not now.

Another thing to consider, especially if you're considering a midwife-is your labor process.   My midwife encourages a lot of natural ways to sooth labor, and to speed it up if we have to, including walking, swimming, rocking, love making, and getting on the floor and doing weird exercises.  So if you will have people around that area while you're doing any of those, consider who you are comfortable doing those things infront of [excluding the love making-of course you have your own room for personal time with your husband].  I knew I wanted my step dad close for all of that, for the reasons I said before...He's just always been the person to help me get through pain and he uses such simple logic, which I think I'll benefit from at that time.  So it's just a matter of really considering people's personalities when you decide to let them be a part of your birthing experience.  Also consider who can be focused and who can be quiet.  Sometimes you'll just want everyone to shut up, and if you invite that hilarious uncle who has to have the last word in all the time, you might end up punching him.  But all in all, don't forget that it's YOUR decision, and it's YOUR feelings that matter.  Don't let anyone make you feel bad, or guilt trip you into choosing anything in your birth plan that you aren't ok with in the slightest.

Also, coming home.  For me, I have a lot of family coming from out of town to be here for the birth [even out of state!], and it's natural for me to want to house them, feed them, and make them comfortable.  But I can tell you right now, you don't want them around.  This is hard for me, because I feel like everyone is going to be here to see baby, and spend time with us, but I don't think I want to see much of anyone for a few days after the baby is born, so I'm going to suggest to anyone staying that they stay a good week, so I can start to feel a little better, and be a bit more stable to visit with anyone at all.  If you have family that comes into town and stays with you at your house usually, you need to make it clear before they make their plans that they will need to find a hotel to stay at, or other family's houses.  The thing with out of town family is they will be very excited to see you and their focus will be on visiting.  And after the birth, home time is about you and baby and daddy ONLY.  So I'll share a bit of my plan with you.  My biggest fear about coming home is having excessive bleeding.  I just know this is going to be something I struggle with, so I'm considering who I feel comfortable around while I'm wearing adult diapers and potty pads on the bed.  So I've decided my husband will be there of course, but to be honest, his job may keep him working shortly after the birth [we are looking into paternity leave rights], so I want a few people on call, or checking on me and baby for a few days.  So of course, my mom will be the first one I call for anything.  Also, my brother in law Mark will be living with us, and at first I was a little up in the air about that one during the home time.  But the more I think about it, the more I am glad he will be there.  Mark and I are close and I feel comfortable with him.  It will be nice to have someone near incase anything happens, and I know he'd be willing to help,and best of all-he's quiet!  This is my biggest concern for being home.  I just want quiet!  I will decide when visiting time is ok, and they will be short visits.  I plan on sending out a text to any inlaws, cousins, sibilings, and parents that want to visit when I feel best.  I think it's important not to make promises.  Instead of saying, "oh yeah, come over tomorrow around 3" say things like "I'll text you tomorrow if I feel up for any company".  In the first few days after the baby is born, your body is going through so much, you are still having contractions, cramps, bleeding, headaches, and many more adjustments, not to mention you are trying to learn to breastfeed, bond with baby, and attempt to change diapers all in the mix.  The last thing I want in that time is movie time in the next room.  [especially if you knew how small our apartment is!]  So I hope I gave you some good advice, just remember that this time is about you and baby, and other's wishes will just have to be put on hold.  It's too important for your health and sanity!

Struggles with divorce, and how will this affect my children?

I'm writing this not to vent or sort my own thoughts, because God knows I've over thought this topic, and talked it to death.  I have resolved these issues in my own heart and head, but I want to lend a hand of support to many mom's and mom's-to-be that I know are struggling with the same confliction.

My parents Married in 1990, I was born in 1992, and they were divorced by 1993 or '94, and my Mom was remarried by 1996.  Needless to say, I do not have a single memory of my Mom and dad being together at all.  But I have been very blessed to be surrounded by loving marriages, including my Mother's to her husband, Monty who in February will be married 16 years.  =)
I never struggled with the idea of my parents not being together, because it was such a foreign idea to me.  I don't know any different, and this is where my story differs from many other's, because I have never had to deal with the pain of change.  -At least not until I was engaged.

I did struggle with the commitment to my now husband, at the very early stages of our relationship, when I was a mere 15, and he was 20.  I honestly didn't think I was capable of keeping a marriage together.  This is where I struggled with issues with my own Father because I felt like it was in my blood to not succeed in a marriage-though now that I'm older, I don't blame either parties in any divorce in either of my parents lives.  Things happen, no body wanted or expected anyone to split up, and it all comes down to a lack of a relationship with God that wedged between each marriage.  Everyone is human, but unless both parties are founded in their faith with God, it won't work.

As Thomas and I grew together, he showed me Jesus, and he also showed me how beautiful a marriage could be, and that we were capable of forever.  Cheesey?  maybe, but far from false.  So up until recently, I never struggled with any of my parents' business, because I didn't care.  I was fairly happy with the examples and lessons learned around me.  But I did work through the insecurities in my commitment issues, and Thomas and I blossomed.

But as Thomas and I started planning a family and talking about children, I started to realise the things that were missing, and it was like I discovered a hole in my heart that I never knew was there before.  I never cared about the separate birthdays, Christmas', vacations, and double Father's days.  Until I realised that I couldn't imagine putting my child through that.  Truth is, the most painful memories as a kid were the long car rides between mom & dad's house, where I had a good hour to think about how screwed up it was that I had to pack a suitcase to see dad and how I had to miss ball games at mom's.  Not to mention the constant burden on my shoulders of being worth a mere $300 a month.  Now let me insert here that I had good parents...I personally wouldn't have ever told me how much someone paid a month for me, but it wasn't shoved down my throat, and both parents reminded me all the time that I'm priceless and both would pay all their money to see me any time...but I could see the frustration.  A kid knows.  This is where I've discovered the things I would do differently...not that I'm saying my parents failed in this sense, but this is just an example of something I would do differently, because my 18th birthday was the biggest day of my life...not because I could get my tattoo finally, or that I was finally legally allowed to date my fiance, but because finally-FINALLY-there would not be a check made ever again to any parent of mine in concern of me.  I don't want that for my child [not that my parents did], but I would passionately would lay down my life before I had to do that.  It caused so much pain for me and my family.
What I'm getting at is, your divorced parents do affect your parenting in your own family.  In the sense that everything that you carried as a child will surface as a parent.  Now that I'm expecting a child there are so many things I think about from my childhood that I hope to apply to my children someday.  And honestly, I wouldn't change a thing about my parents and their choices, because I would not be who I am if it wasn't for those circumstances.  There were even positive things that came from their divorce.  I think I saw each parent in a more vulnerable state, and was able to learn and read each one a lot more deeper, rather than just Mom & Dad.  I guess what I've taken with me that I wish to give to my children is that no one expects these things to happen...but sometimes they do.  Do I swear to God and my husband, and myself, that I will do everything I can to keep my husband and I together forever?  Yes, I swear.  But the last few days, I've realised that some things are beyond my own control, and this is where as a mother I need to set some bases down now for the future.  And not in 'preparation' for divorce, but also death.  Anything could happen to my husband or I, and I want to know that my deepest wishes are being met when I'm not there.  Last night, I made my husband promise me that if we ever separated, or I died, that he would tell our kids often that he loves me.  Not loved, but loves.  I don't believe that if you were in love at one time and created a life together, you can ever go from love to loved, unless there was truly no foundation there in the first place.  To love a child you created with someone, you have to love the one you created the child with.  Other wise you'll begin to despise half the child.  You wont look at that child with as pure of a heart.  [notice I do not say in love, but there has to be an appreciation, a care, and a common understanding.]  I want our children to know that my husband and I love each other to the end of the world.  That they were created in pure love.  I want them to know they were not the reason we got married.  And most definitely that if we split up that they were not the reason for that either.  Any issues between mom and dad, are just that...between mom and dad.  I also made him promise to keep pictures of me around, but not just me, us as a family, as a couple, as parents...I can count how many pictures of my mom and dad I've seen...and almost all of them I just saw as recently as this year.  I also made him promise me to keep our story alive.  I have no idea how my parents fell in love, where their first date was, or their favorite movie to watch together.  I never felt like I was missing these things before, because I know that My mom and step-dad met at her work, had their first date with me and my brother at a mini-golf place, and their favorite vacation spot is on the coast where they engorge themselves with seafood for an entire weekend. But there's something about knowing the two people who created you that is so important once you become a parent.  I dream of telling my baby all about mom and dad, and I know my parents wanted the same for me, I'm sure.  I am thankful that things happened the way they did though, so that I know now the things I want for my kid.  Maybe if I had heard these stories of my parents, I wouldn't have appreciated my love story with my husband as much.
I believe that divorced parents can be a blessing in your journey as parent yourself.  You can take all the wonderful things, and all the bad things, and apply them to your children's lives in a positive way.  You can see the things you wish your parents had done, and do them yourself.  And not just with divorced parents, this applies to all childhoods...there is good and bad in each, and you just have to take what your parents did and learn from it, and use it in your day to day lives.  I don't believe in whining about it, or letting it affect you negatively.  God put me in my parents life for a reason, and he knew what lied before all of us.  I'm going to use his plan he had for them and apply it to the plan he has for my husband and I, because that's all I can do!  So I think it's important to not hold grudges against either parent for anything that happened in their marriage, because now it's your turn!

Belly Pictures from first trimester

This was taken about a week before conception.  Many people are saying I'm not showing at all right now, but if they had seen how skinny I was before, they'd realise I'm huge now!  Pre-baby weight: 92 pounds  Pre-baby waist: 22.5 inches

This was taken on my mom's birthday [10/10] when I had a suspicion I may be pregnant.  This is exactly one week after conception. my suspicion grew that night when my mom gave me funny looks and swore she knew I was pregnant...Mom's know best.

October 26th...This was three days after I found out I was pregnant.  I was really bloated and hungry!  Not really sick yet though!

This was taken November 10th.  Bloating went down a bit, this is all baby.  Deathly sick...probably lost a bit of weight from throwing up.

November 16th, Not much of a difference, but my boobs are gigantic at this point.

This was taken November 22nd, right before Thanksgiving...The sickness was easing up slightly, but was still throwing up everyday, so that is all baby, no food...haha.

This was taken on my Older Brother's birthday, December 1st.  Getting pretty big.
Had our first Doctors appointment 2 days before this picture.  We heard the heart beat, my HCG levels were good, and I weighed in at 95 pounds!  3 pound weight gain is huge for me!

This was taken December 6th, in front of one of my mom's Christmas trees.  =)  I love how this one turned out, I think I'm going to put it in the nursery.

And lastly, 12 weeks 3 days, on December 15th.  I feel huge...already!

Dear baby 12/19/11

Dear Baby,
Today I started my second trimester with you in my belly.  I waited this long to write you for fear of losing you, but I think you're stuck in there for a while longer.  The first trimester, you kicked my butt.
Daddy and I got to hear your heart beat 3 weeks ago, and I've recently got to feel you move, but just a few times.  I want you to know how excited your daddy and I are to meet you.  I think it's important that you know you are loved and wanted even before you're here.  I have wanted you since I was a little girl, and I've been praying for you for so long.  It's important to me that I know I've done everything I can to make sure you know that you are perfect, and nothing about you, the time you came, or any of the circumstances surrounding you are wrong.  Everything is right and perfect.  I want you to know that I love your Dad more than anyone else on this planet, and the fact that we created something that is half me, and half him, is the most amazing thing to ever happen.  Thinking about you in my arms in a few short months is getting me through the day.  I pray for you everyday.  I pray that you are and will be happy, comfortable, and healthy.  And I pray that you know the God that made you, and you too will give your heart to him the way your Dad and I have.  I pray that you will have friendships, and love, and dreams.  And I pray that all your needs are met, all of your wants, and all of your goals.  I love you very much.  Thank you for completing my heart.
Love,
Mommy.

Circumcision: To cut, or not to cut?

this is a post I've been wanting to discuss for quite some time, but wasn't sure what angle I wanted to go at.  I decided not to discuss any personal opinions of my family's or my husband's family.  I will discuss my thoughts, my husbands, and discuss the things I've learned, and ultimately how our decision was made.
So first off, I know this is a touchy subject, because I know it gets into religion, and personal hygiene, along with just talking about things that most aren't comfortable with..  But I am comfortable, and I feel like it needs to be discussed a lot more.

So let me make it known now, that my husband and I are both against circumcision, and I am quite aware that the rest of my blog is a little harsh and quite opinionated.  But this is something I feel passionate about, and not many people have the guts to be loud about it-so I'm not going to beat around the bush of any part of it.

So first just so we are all clear: What is circumcision?  It is the surgical removal of all or part of the foreskin on the penis...usually done shortly after a boy is born.  Parents who choose circumcision often do so based on religious beliefs, concerns about hygiene, or cultural or social reasons, such as the wish to have their son look like other men in the family.

So let me touch on each reason seperately.  First is religion...I can't really do or say much that would prevent anyone from going against their religious traditions, but I can say briefly, when it comes down to it, your son's salvation is not based on what has been done, or not done to his penis.  What matters is what you teach him in life about God, forgiveness, sin, and what's right and wrong.  God looks into your heart, and wether you've accepted him as your saviour or not.  Also, I'm going to tack in there that God created man in his own perfect image, so therefore your son is made exactly how he was supposed to be.  That's all I'm going to say about that. This religious part could turn very long and only turn people to get offensive and I am not looking for a religious argument at all.

Next is hygiene.  Many parents' first response to the question is "well you can keep his penis cleaner if it's circumsized."  I first want to say I've never heard of an uncut man who had a hard time keeping it clean.  It's as simple as pulling the skin back to wash.  Does it hold more bacteria?  I guess hypothetically it could, causing UTI's, but this is where a mother and father are to instill good personal hygiene in their son from an early age.  It's important to teach your son how to keep EVERY part of their body as clean as possible.  A boy should take a thorough shower EVERYDAY and if he has been playing especially hard, then twice a day.  Every boy should know that if he played hard, and is sweaty, then he is more likely to have sweat in areas such as his arm pits, his tooshie, his feet, and yes, his penis...and it is to be cleaned if it's dirty...doesn't matter if he JUST took a shower that morning.  Neglecting showers causes UTIs, other infections, and just plain smelliness.  I realise boys are not easy to keep clean.  Even as a wife, I have to tell my husband he smells and he needs another shower.  There's something in the male brain that doesn't care as much as females, but if you make them aware at a young age, they stay aware.  My dad says he's loved to be clean since he was a kid, mostly because he had a lot of sisters and they were clean, and as an adult, I've never seen my dad not shower twice a day, always change into clean clothes before dinner, never go to bed dirty, and my dad's a hard worker...he just puts the effort into being clean.  It's all about how you were taught as a kid.  So I don't believe hygiene should be used as a factor in this decision, unless you truely believe you are incapable of showing your son how to shower...but that is your job as a parent!

Next is social reasons.  I believe most people choose circumcision because they never even considered the alternative-to leave it alone.  It's what their parents chose, their friends chose, it was just what you did because of their thoughts and opinions.  I remember in highschool the girls would talk about how weird it would be to have sex with an uncut man...and how gross it would be.  And the boys would talk about how sex wouldn't feel as good for them if they hadn't been cut.  And looking back on this I see how FALSE and ridiculous all these assumptions are, since they were just assumed because everyone else assumed them.  There is no difference in sex for a girl wether its with a man who has been cut or not cut.  And I can tell you right now, if you seclude yourself to your husband only, you wont know any difference anyways.  And I have never met a man say "man, I just don't like sex, too bad my parents left this skin on my penis, I know I'd like it more had they cut it off"...men will always like sex, and if anything I'd imagine leaving the penis the way it was made would make it feel best, since it's natural and sex is the most natural thing you can do.  So parents, your child's sex life will never suffer no matter what your decision is, so please don't consider this in your decision making any more!  If you really want to consider your son's sex life...consider this-most believe a woman is the one that is lubricating during sex, but truth is, a males foreskin is what holds his natural lubricant.  A woman alone can not produce enough natural lubricant to last long enough for an entire sexual encounter to prevent chafing and soreness, a male's is required, and cutting his foreskin pretty much ruins all of that.  As for a child wanting to look like his father...after the age of 5, I don't think any boy really cares what his father looks like naked.

when I made the decision not to partake in this surgery for my son, none of these factors even came to mind, that's why I briefly covered those topics to get them out of the way.  The real reasons why I would never want this for my son are:
1. The foreskin is attached to the penis like a fingernail, I'm telling you right now, it's the worst pain you could put your infant through.  Thinking about my son making the rough journey into this world, all the scary faces, unfamiliar things, and then you put him on the surgery table [usually eagle strapped to a table; and over 50% of procedures are done without anesthesia] to put him in such a pain seems so wrong of me to do.  I just keep picturing his face-confused and in pain...I can't stomach that experience.  And not just during, but the weeks after...they are in pain, and then heaven forbid, something went wrong and it gets infected, you are the one that has to take care of it.
2. It is genital mutilation.  I shouldn't have to say more.  And the fact of the matter is, some one is touching your sons genitals in the process.  Going a little extreme would be to call this a molestation, but I do know that a stranger has his hands on his penis and at no time did the boy say he wanted any part of it and doesn't need it.  That was my biggest afflicition...it is what it is, no matter what you want to call it.
3. I don't have the right.  For parents to say they have the right to choose this for their son's makes me sick.  It is their body, and their choice, and they will have the option for this later in life.  It is irreversable...once it's gone, it's gone.  You wouldn't tattoo your baby, right?  well for the same reasons you wouldn't tattoo your baby, I wouldn't remove a healthy good working body part on my son.
4.  Death.  It is a fact that more boys die from complications of circumcision than they do from cancer of the penis that the circumcision MAY help prevent.  That right there shows you just how pointless the surgery is.
5. The baby tells you he doesn't want it done.  Babies have different cries for different things, a mother can tell by her baby's cry if he's sick, if he's tired, if he's hungry, and there is a definite cry for pain.  And there is no cry like the cry from a circumcised little boy.  They cry for weeks sometimes months, and most mother's dismiss it as them being hungry or grumpy.  It's ignored.  And I would never want that pang of guilt every time I heard that high pitched cry.
6. It interferes with breastfeeding.  It hurts for him to pee or even lay on his belly, causing a lot of problems when it comes to breastfeeding.  Statistics show that since it's harder for a circumcised baby to focus on breastfeeding, more of them are formula fed in the end, because the mom's give up.  And when you take away the breast milk, it makes it even harder for the baby to fight any infections and for the surgery to heal the way it should.  Not to mention, take away breastfeeding and you're taking away crucial bonding time between the son and mother.
7. It's not natural, and I'm pro-attachment parenting.  Women have been birthing babies since the beginning of time, and raising them naturally-breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, doing it how they've always done it.  Using your best tool you're born with-natural instinct.  And I personally believe circumcising your son goes against nature, goes against a mother's instinct, and goes against attachment parenting.
8.  How do I teach my son that it's what's on the inside that counts if I cut him to somehow make him 'better'.  I would feel hypocritical.  What my son chooses to do with his own body is one thing-piercings, tattoos, body altercations, or even a future circumcision, is his own choice, but until he's of age to make those choices for himself, I want to in still the message that he's beautiful to me, and there's nothing wrong with any part of him.

So, of course I'd never call a mom a bad mom if she made the decision to take part in the surgery for her son, but I hope that every mother does the research on the surgery they are paying for, before they just do it...Learn what you are taking part in nad make your own decision, not someone else's.

There are many sites and support groups for regretting parents and resentful victims of circumcision...I hope anyone who may be grouped into either of those can find the support your need.  I will later be posting links of some helpful sites, once I really check them out.  Hope I brought up some things that you hadn't thought about before!

Bah humbug day.

One thing I'm really struggling with in my pregnancy is some of the emotions that come with it.  At least I'm hoping these are just emotions.  I've noticed lately a lot of people are really distancing themselves from me, and I feel like maybe I've been hurting people and not realising it.  And then again, I feel like maybe everything is fine and I'm just making it all up in my head-mostly because my husband keeps telling me so haha.  He's a happy go lucky guy who doesn't cause issues, avoids them at any cost, and if there is an issue he'd rather pretend it's not there.  And while that is comforting and easy at times, I'm just the opposite and I can sense people's feelings towards me and always feel the need to fix it.  I'm a fixer...with everything.  But it's weird because I'll be having, what I believe a normal conversation with someone, and I feel like they are constantly defending themselves to me, as if I've attacked them.  So I want to make it clear to anyone reading this, that I have not meant to strike any harm or hurt, any embarassment or shame, any annoyance or any mean-ness towards anyone.  I hope these are hormones and twisted pregnancy thinking, and I'm not really losing relationships with people.  =/

found a cure for nipple pain!

Ok, so I may have mentioned before how sore my breasteses [as I always call them] have been...but let me elaborate.  Aparently some women are more sensitive than others, and I seem to be one of the severe cases.  My actual boobs have been swollen and bruised due to a rib I threw out a few weeks ago from throwing up, but thank God, that's pretty much all healed and I can breathe without crying now!  but they are still engorged, sore, tight, and heavy, and my nipples are so cracked they bleed sometimes, and hurt to touch.  So...for the actual heavyness of the the breasts, I've found a simple bra with no underwire with a sportsbra on top is working best to relieve my back and sides.  And for the nipples...drum roll please...VASELINE!  it's been doing the trick, so any other pregnant women out there, give it a try...the creams at the store don't work and are super expensive.  Seems simple, not sure why I didn't think to try it sooner!

11 and 12 week updates.

11 weeks was a great point for me.  Last week my morning sickness pretty much stopped all together.  I also was swearing that I was feeling the baby...just slightly.  Everyone was calling me crazy though so I ignored it.  I definitely feel the weight that I'm gaining.  Also, since week 9, my bra size has gone up a cup, and I'm not the least bit thrilled.  So sore, so heavy, so miserable.
12 weeks.  This week for me is huge, even though I just started it.  I've been looking forward to this milestone for quite some time...before I was even pregnant.  Probably the most secure place in my pregnancy.  They baby is pretty strong at this point, and looks more like a baby than an alien.  The chance of miscarriage at this point is pretty slim, but the fact that it is still possible still rings in my hears.  I just keep chanting "you've made it 12 weeks, Amber, calm down!"  to myself.  haha.  One thing is, the last few days, I'm positive I've felt the baby, and I wish I hadn't ignored it last week.  I've read many tiny moms feel the baby as early as 10-11 weeks...average mom feels it between 13-15.  So I'm taking this moment to declare week twelve as the week I felt the baby for the first time.  But I think I was more concerned that it wasn't real, that it distracted the moments.  So I'm paitiently waiting for him to move again.  I'm pretty much on a schedule with eating.  I have a breakfast every morning-which I never used to be able to do.  Then i eat two lunches, once around 1, once around 3, then dinner usually around 5 or 6, and another dinner around 9, and then I usually snack throughout the night.  I haven't weighed myself since my last Doctor's apt the end of November.  My next appt is Dec. 27th.  My pre-pregnancy weight was 92, last time I weighed in at 95, and I'm hoping to see at least 99 on the scale next time. My belly is getting pretty good size, and I want to measure it soon.  My waist has always been 23 inches, so I'm curious to see what it is now.  =)  Some new pregnancy symptoms I've recently come to experience...heartburn-even when I eat the most simple of things.  Ice cream, mayonnaise,  and popsicles all give me heartburn.  Also, smelly armpits.  I shower twice daily at least, sometimes 3...and it doesn't matter how much I scrub them, how much deodorant I wear, I'll be sitting there on the couch and all of a sudden my armpits are radiating BO...I've never ever had this problem before.  Something to do with the hormones...I'll be looking more into it.  Also, I am always annoyed with people.  I get rather pissed off at little things.  I was never like this before.  I'm a people person, very accepting, but sometimes if someone is telling a stupid joke, I have to leave the room before I blow up and tell them just how stupid that joke is.  haha.  I laugh now, but I feel awful when it happens.  I feel like a mean person, but I can't help it.  Oh and I have the worst road rage-from the passenger side.  I never got my driver's licence [because I was always so scared of wrecking], and my goal before my third trimester was to get my licence, but my husband and I both agree now is not the time for me to be on the road.  I roll down the window and cuss at the guy who didn't use his blinker.  I get soooo angry being in the car.  Thomas has started distracting me by talking to me in the car, but I still spot stupidity in the corner of my eye.  Haha, it's the worst.  And it's just as bad being a pedestrian...I'm the crazy screaming lady walking to work, because people have no concern for pedestrians.  Another thing is I see 2pm on the clock, and it's nap time, even if i slept til noon.  my body is on this schedule of sleep and eating, and it takes up my entire day.  I'm going with it though, because the baby is obviously needing food and rest, and it's my job to make sure he gets it.
Baby names are the topic right now, we've had the boy name picked out for a long time, it's Tucker Stanley, but the girl name changes day to day, so I'll keep you posted on any of that.
I finally did some shopping for the baby the other day.  I was really excited.   I was taking a walk through town and had some cash on my so I stopped at Bella's Boutique new and used baby store.  I really like this store for the clothes and blankets, but I do not recommend them for furniture, or customer service.  They were selling a used crib that they sell at target for 250, and she had it tagged for 475!!!  She's out to make a profit.  but, I got a couple outfits,  7 bibs, and a burb cloth all for around $10.  And they were all new and so cute!  I also found some good deals on wipes and lotions recently, so I picked some of those up.  Our diaper bag is full of stuff, so I bought an organizer and am going to start setting up baby stuff, now that our collection is growing.  Well, that's about it for week 12, I want to post a few things tomorrow on topics about sonograms, circumcision, and baby gear.

a little update.

My belly has officially become a belly.  Even when I don't eat a big meal, it's still there and I officially can't suck it in.  I'd like to say I reached the milestone of showing.  haha.  As soon as I figure out how to add pictures on here I will put one up of my new body addition.  ;)

Morning Sickness.

As I'm writing this, I'm on the brink of puking.  And for anyone out there that has been as miserable as me, I'm sure is willing to try anything.  So here are some tips that have helped me, and some tips I've found online that help MOST people [but not me].




One thing I've found on many websites, that actually has helped me is eating small meals every couple of hours, while snacking in between.  Basically, keep something in your mouth all the time.  If you throw it up, at least you have something to throw up, and theres a chance that you'll eat enough to be able to keep some of it in.  Where as, if you only eat a small amount, your more likely to puke it all up.  The most important thing is to be getting some sort of food in your belly for the baby.
So many people say to eat Saltines and drink 7up, for me, this worked for about 3 days before the crackers smelled like sulfer and the 7up tasted like liquid candy.  But if it works it works.  An alternative would be cheezits.  I have to say my belly liked those better...they do the same job and have a different flavor.  And the cheese substance in it is softer, so when you throw up, it's a lot more coaxing.  In the begining weeks water worked best for me, but we have a on-again off-again relationship.  One day I love water, the next I hate it.  Keep fluids in you though-even if you can't keep them down, keep drinking!!
They say to avoid citrus types of foods/drinks, and anything with a lot of acid, but around weeks 6-8 for me, I only wanted orange juice and tomato soup, and they worked great for me.  One thing to remember is that everyone is different, so experiment.
Basically my food preferences change everyday.  We have avoided any major food shopping trips, because we could buy a lot that sounds good, then the next day I wont touch any of it.  So we buy as we go.  I've learned that if something sounds tolerable, to jump on it and get it-chances our your brain is telling you what you need.  Kraft Mac N Cheese and dry turkey breast sounded good to me for a week or so, and I lived on it.  I only threw up once from the Mac and it really filled me up.  I swear by the turkey, by the way!  Just try it, something about it that soothes the tummy!
Another thing that many have told me to try, is ginger.  I've tried ginger tablets, ginger altoids, and ginger gum-they all suck for me.  But worth a shot.  I haven't tried cookies, and I do love gingerbread cookies, so I'll give those a shot this Christmas time.  =)
Also, avoid too hot or too cold of foods, that can irriate the stomach.  Which is hard to do when I want a hot tea or a popsicle, so I use moderation...if I'm feeling well, I'll try something.
One thing that's really helped me is sitting up when I eat, it helps your stomach digest eveything better.  Or try taking a walk after you eat.  This can also help with constipation and gas...which since I've been pregnant have been some major issues for me.  =(
I've found that pastas, which are my favorite foods, are harder to digest, and the worst to throw up, so I've avoided a lot of those.
I will probably post more later.

Midwife

So, as I mentioned, I'm going through a midwife rather than a regular doctor.  I will be having an all natural birth at her home birthing center [and most likely will be a water birth].  My midwife's name is Nora Mcneill and her assistant is Jan.
Her website is here: http://www.reddingmidwife.com/press/the-birth-gazette-1992/


She has some great links about midwifery, and all sorts of pregnancy information.  Good read.  =)
I've been stalking her page for a couple years now.  I've always been interested in an "alternative birth" and I've always found her page to be the one I come back to.  So when I finally got pregnant, she was my first call!  She invited me to her home where she has her birthing center on the lower levels.  Her house is amazing.  We were considering an at-home birth, but once we saw her house, we realized we were more comfortable there than in our own home.  She has many rooms and options of where and how to have the baby, while only being 2 minutes from the hospital for emergencies.  It's a cozy clean home.  Everything is prepared for a birth while being a comfortable enviroment for me, my husband, and any guests.  She has a jacuzzi for labor pains, a koy pond and deck that looks out over redding for relaxation, and two rooms each set up a little differently for births.  Her bathroom features a gorgeous vintage tub that is comfortable enough for a water birth [which I'm still leaving up for a last minute decision].
She has a doctor's office off of Hilltop, and we had our first appointment yesterday.  She was so informative on everything.  We talked about everything from organic food, to baby wraps, to circumcision.  She had packets of information on everything.  She sent me home with so much to read and learn.  She also gave us some business cards of local businesses that will be helpful such as Country Organics, which sells local grown produce and meats.  She's helping me keep a food diary, and excercise plan, as well as teaching me breastfeeding techniques and labor pain management.  She's my own personal assistant and question answerer!  She loves babies and families and she's one of the sweetest ladies out there.  She's smart and I instantly felt comfortable with her.  And unlike a doctor, she's very personal.  She gets to know me and my husband [and my mom!] and makes our visits personal to our needs.  She has shown me my rights as a mother, and gives me options and control over how I bring this baby into the world.  I'm so excited to see where this goes.  If you are considering a more natural setting for your birth, I highly recommend checking it out.  It's not for everyone, and I'm by no means saying that this is the only way, or that I'm doing this the way it's supposed to be.  This is my personal choice, and feel like it's the right thing for me and my family.  I've never been a fan of hospitals, and I've done a lot of research on the pros and cons of this.  [which I will continue to touch on in further posts]  It's probably harder financially for some [easier for others], and scary.  You have to put a lot of faith into God, that he will protect you and the baby, and let his plan take over.  But I believe this is the best thing for me, and I'm very excited to see what happens along the way!

Breastfeeding.

One of the things I brought up in my last blog, was how I'm an advocate for breastfeeding.  This is something that is so important to me.  I was a breastfed baby, and it wasn't until I was an adult that I was truly thankful that my mom did that for me.  When I picture myself as a mom, I've always pictured me looking down at my baby and doing what I was made to do-feed and nuture the baby.  I've never imagined a bottle, or making formula, or anything of the sorts, I've just never thought that I would go that route.  I did have a family member who had a hard tme breastfeeding.  The doctor said she wasn't getting enough nutrients to the baby, and that she needed to supplement.  She was heartbroken, but did it for the health of her children.  So let me begin by saying, I'm not against formula completely.  I think we are blessed that we've been able to create a supplement for our growing babies that can be used in emergency cases like these.  There are times when we need help to make sure our babies are healthy, and a mother should do everything in her power to make sure that happens, so in the case that the child's health is better off with formula, than breastmilk, then I'm all for it.  But statistically, I read it's less than 1% of the female population that will run into any serious issues with their breastmilk that can't be solved.
So, besides all the health related reasons that I'm for breastfeeding, I'm also a believer in bonding with your baby.  There is no bond like the one between a mother and her infant.  And while a lot of those feelings come natural, a lot of them take work.  Breastfeeding is the most natural thing a woman can do.  There is nothing gross, dirty, or sexual about it.  Women were made to do it.  God gave us breasts to feed our children and keep them alive.  Just because there are alternative ways of keeping our children alive now, doesn't mean you should partake in them.  So back to the bonding part.  A lot of women struggle to bond with their baby after it's born.  P.P. depression is a common thing.  As well as just all your crazy hormones affecting your ability to focus on the relationship between you and your infant.  You experience emotions of pain, happiness, jealousy, confusion, fear, ect,... and sometimes they are so overwhelming that it's hard to truely connect with your baby.  This is one of the most important reasons for breastfeeding.  When you are the source of life for your baby, they depend on you, love you, and appreciate you.  You are working as a team to keep you and the baby healthy [yes, that's right, breastfeeding is healthy for you too!], and when you are working together, you create a bond.  Also, there is so much that a dad can help with, but the thing with breastfeeding that is so empowering, is that this is the one thing that is truely made just for you and baby.  This is your time alone with the baby, to learn your baby, and let your baby learn you.  No one else can do this.
So, beyond the bonding part of breast feeding there are countless benefits for the baby's health, and yours.  Doctors and experts recommend that the baby is breastfed exclusively for six months, after that you can add in some other solids [if you are comfortable with that], but still sticking to a breastfeeding schedule for as long as you can.  The first year is ideal, and even longer if it's right for you and the baby.  Breastmilk can fight/prevent many infections such as ear infections, respiratory infections, diarrhea, and meningitis.  It helps build you and your baby's immune system.  It helps/prevents allergies, asthsma, diabetes, and SIDs.  Statistically, babies who are breastfed visit the doctor a lot less than formula fed, which also saves you a lot of money and time.  Also, need I mention the cost of formula-holy cow!!  Also, convenience.  I personally could not imagine how much my chore list is going to grow once our baby is here, I do not want to make something as crucial as my baby's feedings more complicated than they have to be.  "How many ounces?"  "When was the last time they were fed" "Is this brand giving him tummy aches?" "Do we have enough money to buy another can?"  "We only have enough left for one more feeding-is the store even open this late?"  These are all things I'd have to worry about that, if I don't have to, I don't want to.  Another pro to boobs...smarter babies!  That's right, stats show that breastfed babies have higher IQs, this is because there are nutrients available in breastmilk that man can just not create in formula.  Breastmilk is the purest thing a baby can have, it was created so perfectly by God himself, formula can come close, but doesn't quite make it at he top.  It's like the difference of taking vitamins versus eating the vegetables that carry the pure nutrients.  So one last benefit for baby that I want to touch on, is the digestive system.  Because of the purity of the breastmilk, the babies digest the milk so much easier, rather than formula which sits in the stomach and can cause constipation, gas, and just an upset baby in general-which is never fun for anyone!  One thing many mothers have mentioned in a pro to formula is that the babies sleep better and through the night.  This is because of the digesting that I just mentioned.  When we fill ourselves up with heavy foods, we sleep pretty good too, but most of the time it leads to a harsh bathroom episode, or an upset belly the next day, not too mention it stretches our stomach and we'll continue to over eat causing us to retain more fat.  while our baby sleeping longer is convient, they weren't made to sleep through night.  One thing that mother's have to deal with is lack of sleep.  But you can do it! Women for century's have been doing it, you can too!  This is just something to expect with parenthood, but there are many things to help with that.  For one, nap when baby does!  And also, co-sleeping can help with that too...lying the baby in the bed next to you while you feed her, can help you both rest better.  Ok, there are endless benefits for the baby to you breastfeeding, now I want to touch on the benefits for mom [besides bonding and a healthier baby].  Breastfeeding helps burn calories-I'm sure I don't need to go too much more into that.  Who doesn't want to squeeze back into their premommy pants?  Healthier skin and bones!  Your body is producing much more Vitamin D when nursing, that in the end your skin and bones benefit too!  I really hope every new mom, mother to be, or woman TTC at least gives breastfeeding a chance.  Sometimes its painful, tiring, or for some embarassing, but it's so worth it.  I hope I gave you some new thought and something to think about.  I'm not here to judge anyone who's decided against it, but I am definitely standing my ground that the pros outweigh the cons.  I will later post a blog with tips, techniques, and diets for nursing.

10 weeks continued

So I guess I should begin with a little background information on myself, and my husband.  My name is Amber, I'm now 19, and my husband, Thomas, is 23.  We live in Redding, but he is from a small town up north called Happy Camp-where his parents are currently located.  I am a secretary at a local Smog & Repair shop, and Thomas is the Assistant Manager at a local car wash.  We both have been at these jobs for a little over a year.  He has 3 brothers, and 1 sister.   I have 3 sisters, and 6 brothers.  We fell in love 4 years ago, and I couldn't imagine my life without him-my best friend.  We got married October 22nd, this year.  We both have dedicated our lives to Jesus Christ, and we do our best to let his light shine through us.  We are very excited for the rest of our lives together and with this baby.
So let me begin by saying there are some things I believe in and am an advocate for, and hope to express in further blogs.  Like I mentioned, I'm a christian, and you'll probably see quite a bit of God come out in my blogs.  I am not for abortion [obviously] and the more I learn about pregnancy in general, I'm hoping to help educate others.  I am a major advocate for breast feeding, and again hope to educate others.  I have decided to go through a midwife, and I will be doing an all natural water birth at my midwife's birthing center [which is something I'm going to touch on a lot...I want to share my experiences and my journey with others!].  I love the idea of baby wearing, cloth diapers, and co-sleeping, and again, I'll be sharing what I learn.  I am not going to get any sonograms, due to risk for the baby, and I hope to educate others on that subject as well.  I will not be partaking in any testing of the baby, and we are also not going to find out the sex of the baby.  So if anyone reading this is thinking about going the same route on any of these things, or just want to see how it all works out, I hope you follow me on this journey.
I am a member of babycenter.com which is a great resource, so if you're TTC or expecting, I highly recommend signing up for the website.  I will be posting plenty of links and articles from there, I'm sure, so standby!

10 weeks & my journey so far.

I've been wanting to start a pregnancy blog for a while, not only to share my journey with others, but to remember all the milestones so I can share those memories with the baby, later on.
So before I tell you about my 10 week  milestone, I am going to map out what's happened so far.

Week 1-Pregnancy is measure by your last menstrual period [LMP], and so week one for me began on September 19th.  One thing I'd like to note about this week-My older sister had her daughter on June 26th last year, and her LMP was also September 19th, which means our babies could share a birthday.  Also, another note about this date-it was about a month before mine and Thomas' wedding.  I was running around picking up plates, forks, lights, candles, tables, chairs, and making centerpieces.  Thomas and I had been going through a rough time at this point, and the stress of the wedding planning and preparing for family to come into town wasn't helping, not to mention being sick from my deathly cramps I get every month, I was pretty sure I wanted to check myself into the crazy house.  We got through it though!
Week 2- This week began on 9/26 and finished up on 10/3.  October 3rd was the date of conception.  I remember Thomas took me out to dinner to get our mind off of things.  We were making up after a long week and counting down the days until our wedding.  I remember laying in bed wide awake while Thomas snored next to me.  I had felt that the last month or so, I had distanced myself from God, so that night I decided to spend some time talking to my old buddy upstairs.  I had apologised for the time that had passed since I last talked to him, and ask for his comfort and relief from the stress I had put myself under.  I asked him for a sign showing me that Thomas and I were meant to be a family, and right then my heart fluttered.  I had a calming over me, and I snuggled up to Thomas and went to sleep.  The next morning I told Thomas I was sure he had just gotten me pregnant.  He laughed and I said I'd prove him wrong in a couple weeks!  I went along the next few days with a little more gallop to my step.  I had dreamt of being a mom for so long, and I just had this feeling that it was all coming true!
Week 3- My mom's birthday was on the 10th.  My nipples were sore and I was bloated and tired.  I decided to take a picture of my belly in her bathroom and kept my little secret to myself-because obviously I'm crazy for thinking I'm pregnant a week after it could have happened.  haha.  We sat around eating cake and planning the last minute things for the wedding.   My mom was teasing me at my sleepiness and joked that I was pregnant.  Funny how mom's know these things before they really know these things!
Week 4-A lot of family was in town, I was tired, moody, stressed, and worst of all-depressed.  I lost that internal feeling of being pregnant.  That excitement inside just turned to disbelief.  I wasn't seeing any major symptoms, and I tried preparing myself for the worst...I wasn't lucky enough to get pregnant, and it's time to focus on the wedding and being newlyweds.  But this also meant that my period was due on our wedding day-which was also a bummer.  But I was so happy to get married that I put all my feelings in the back of my head and truly convinced myself that it just wasn't our time to be parents.
Week 5- Our wedding was on the  22nd.  I expected my period somewhere around the 20th, but due to stress of getting the wedding set up, I wasn't surprised that it was a bit late.  I had prayed that it would come sooner and get done with by our wedding night, but everyday that passed I accepted that Thomas and I weren't going to have as special of a night as planned, so I started to come up with some other ideas for our night.  When the girls helped me get ready for the wedding, we joked around that my period would surely show up right as I said I do, in my gorgeous very white dress...so i prepared myself with the biggest maxi pad I could find and two pairs of underwear.  After dinner, I went to the bathroom and was shocked to see that my period hadn't come.  I thanked the lord and proceeded with the wedding.  Finally most people had left the ceremony and all we worked for was finally over.  I sat around with my brother and his girlfriend who recently became parents themself.  He asked me how long we were going to wait to have kids, and then it hit me...I said well, I guess we'll find out soon.  Thomas and I had gotten to the hotel and I began to have some cramping.  Saddened, I asked him to go to the store and pick me up some tampons.  By the time he had come back, nothing had happened, just really tired and moody, but so thankful that we got to share an amazing wedding night together.  Something else I should mention about this week, the next day was my 19th birthday!  We spent the day with family, mostly Mark[Thomas' brother] and basked in the newlywed, newly 19 feeling.  That evening Thomas, Mark and I goofed off at the store and when Thomas asked if I needed a refill on tampons, I realized I still hadn't gotten my period, so instead we decided to buy some pregnancy tests.  We got home, and I still doubted that I'd be lucky enough to actually be pregnant, so me going into the bathroom to pee on a stick was 99% just for fun.  I peed on it and walked out before the results, and Thomas and Mark had surprised me with candles on one of our wedding pies!  I blew out the candles and made a little wish, not realizing a lifetime of wishes had come true in the bathroom.  I went back in there and two dark lines had appeared. Thomas said "that was a cheap test, maybe it's a mistake!"  So I took two more tests, and immediately two red dark lines appeared on both...Tom's reaction?  "So are we gonna watch a movie?"  Haha, I'm pretty sure he was in shock and the idea of being a husband hadn't even sunk in, much less being a daddy.  Mark immediately got teary-eyed but was in shock as well.  I wanted to have my girl moment, so I called my best friend & cousin, Ashley Lee, and went in the bedroom to call her.  We started crying together, and once Thomas heard the tears it became a lot more real, he ran into the bedroom and started crying and kissing me and my belly.  By far the best weekend of my life.
So, the morning after I found out, I went to Rite-Aid, and bought a slightly more expensive test.  I went with Mark to the store while Thomas finished up cleaning some wedding stuff.  I made Mark stand by the door while I took the test into the bathroom-I couldn't wait to get home.  So once that came up positive, we rushed back to Thomas, and said "it's time to spread the news"  We ran to my mom and step-dad, Monty's house and gave them a present to say thank you for all the help with the wedding, they pulled out the pregnancy tests and we're shocked, but not so shocked at the same time.  They knew we wanted babies soon, but the fact that everything happened all in one weekend was pretty shocking.  Monty got teary eyed and mom stared at me for a few moments before she hugged me and said she was so happy!  We took Thomas to work, and I called my step mom Heather next, and she screamed and cried and squealed with joy!  Next Mark drove me to my sister's house.  I handed her a box of tampons and said "I'm not going to be needing these for a while"  she said "I sent those with you on your honeymoon, they aren't mine, you keep them!"  I said "Andrea I didn't need them, and wont for a while."  She said she didn't get it and giggled with confusion finally I said "I'm pregnant you dork!!"  she was so happy and excited.  I went in the house and told Timmy and Beckah, and they too were shocked and happy!  When Thomas got home that night from work, we called his parents and when his mom answered the phone he said "Hey Grandma!"  she said "This is your mom Diana, did you try calling grandma?"  He ignored it and asked her how she was and what not, eventually he asked her to put the phone on speaker phone next to Dad, and he said "Hey mom, when I called you grandma, it wasn't a mistake, Amber and I are going to have a baby!"  She said "Are you serious?  you're not joking?"  Once they realized we were serious the phone went silent.  Thomas said "are you there?"  Dad said "Your mom can't talk right now"  Then we hear a little voice with tears behind it "You guys are just so great!  I love you!"  I think they were both prettttty excited!  None the less we got some great reactions and everyone seems pretty happy about the baby's coming!
Week 6-It was back to work after all the wedding, birthday, and baby excitement.  Due to facebook all my coworkers already knew.  A couple of things I'd like to note about this week.  Thomas and I picked out names [girl-Cambria Allynn Poeschel boy-Tucker Stanley Poeschel].  I began to get some serious pregnancy symptoms-sore boobs, fatigue, endless hunger, headaches, and I could feel a hard spot on my lower abdomen where the baby is.
Week 7-Hell.  I was sooo sick.  I was working everyday, and I got a sinus infection and some sort of flu, I was throwing up every half hour, and wanted to die.  By Saturday, I had to leave work to go home because I hadn't kept liquids down for a few days.

Week 8-Flu was almost gone, but due to a cough I developed from the sinus infection, I threw out a rib, and it's been hard to breathe since.  Frankly at this point, I hate being pregnant.  I was miserable.  I wanted the baby to be out of my belly and in my arms right then, There was no way I could do 32 more weeks of this.

Week 9-Thanksgiving week.  I did get to enjoy thanksgiving, of course the next few days after that I was deathly sick.  I throw up everyday, and need a nap around 3 everyday haha.  My belly at this point has started to pop out and my hips have grown enough to make all my pants require that I unzip them all.  My flu is gone, but my mood swings are in full swing...I hate everybody and everything.  I've never been so mean in my whole life, and then the next second cry at how much I miss my mom, and then start busting up laughing because I spilled my soup on me.  I feel ridiculous and not much like myself.  Car rides are the worst, but I'm starting to find what foods at what time work best for me.  I had to buy a new bra-my boobs are huge and swollen and sore, and new underwear-the elastic was too tight.

Week 10-here we are...all caught up.  This week has been the best so far.  I had my first appt with my midwife.  We got to hear the baby's heartbeat, and learn so much about my body, the baby, and what's going to happen over the next 30 weeks.  I'm a quarter of the way there and have so much to do!  We've picked out the theme of baby stuff [winnie the pooh!], we've started looking into birthing classes, and changing my diet.  My belly has continued to bump out a little, and I'm starting to feel my figure full out.  But by far the best part of the week was hearing the baby's heartbeat on the doppler.  I was so relieved.  I was having a really hard time not knowing what was going on in my belly, and it was such a relief to know i've done something right!  My HCG levels were good, and my uterus was growing at a good rate, and I've gained 3 pounds.  I'm now 95 pounds!

So that's been the basics of the last 10 weeks.  I am going to start a new blog tonight on things I've learned, things I'm planning, things I'm looking forward to, and some helpful advice for anyone seeking it.