Struggles with divorce, and how will this affect my children?

I'm writing this not to vent or sort my own thoughts, because God knows I've over thought this topic, and talked it to death.  I have resolved these issues in my own heart and head, but I want to lend a hand of support to many mom's and mom's-to-be that I know are struggling with the same confliction.

My parents Married in 1990, I was born in 1992, and they were divorced by 1993 or '94, and my Mom was remarried by 1996.  Needless to say, I do not have a single memory of my Mom and dad being together at all.  But I have been very blessed to be surrounded by loving marriages, including my Mother's to her husband, Monty who in February will be married 16 years.  =)
I never struggled with the idea of my parents not being together, because it was such a foreign idea to me.  I don't know any different, and this is where my story differs from many other's, because I have never had to deal with the pain of change.  -At least not until I was engaged.

I did struggle with the commitment to my now husband, at the very early stages of our relationship, when I was a mere 15, and he was 20.  I honestly didn't think I was capable of keeping a marriage together.  This is where I struggled with issues with my own Father because I felt like it was in my blood to not succeed in a marriage-though now that I'm older, I don't blame either parties in any divorce in either of my parents lives.  Things happen, no body wanted or expected anyone to split up, and it all comes down to a lack of a relationship with God that wedged between each marriage.  Everyone is human, but unless both parties are founded in their faith with God, it won't work.

As Thomas and I grew together, he showed me Jesus, and he also showed me how beautiful a marriage could be, and that we were capable of forever.  Cheesey?  maybe, but far from false.  So up until recently, I never struggled with any of my parents' business, because I didn't care.  I was fairly happy with the examples and lessons learned around me.  But I did work through the insecurities in my commitment issues, and Thomas and I blossomed.

But as Thomas and I started planning a family and talking about children, I started to realise the things that were missing, and it was like I discovered a hole in my heart that I never knew was there before.  I never cared about the separate birthdays, Christmas', vacations, and double Father's days.  Until I realised that I couldn't imagine putting my child through that.  Truth is, the most painful memories as a kid were the long car rides between mom & dad's house, where I had a good hour to think about how screwed up it was that I had to pack a suitcase to see dad and how I had to miss ball games at mom's.  Not to mention the constant burden on my shoulders of being worth a mere $300 a month.  Now let me insert here that I had good parents...I personally wouldn't have ever told me how much someone paid a month for me, but it wasn't shoved down my throat, and both parents reminded me all the time that I'm priceless and both would pay all their money to see me any time...but I could see the frustration.  A kid knows.  This is where I've discovered the things I would do differently...not that I'm saying my parents failed in this sense, but this is just an example of something I would do differently, because my 18th birthday was the biggest day of my life...not because I could get my tattoo finally, or that I was finally legally allowed to date my fiance, but because finally-FINALLY-there would not be a check made ever again to any parent of mine in concern of me.  I don't want that for my child [not that my parents did], but I would passionately would lay down my life before I had to do that.  It caused so much pain for me and my family.
What I'm getting at is, your divorced parents do affect your parenting in your own family.  In the sense that everything that you carried as a child will surface as a parent.  Now that I'm expecting a child there are so many things I think about from my childhood that I hope to apply to my children someday.  And honestly, I wouldn't change a thing about my parents and their choices, because I would not be who I am if it wasn't for those circumstances.  There were even positive things that came from their divorce.  I think I saw each parent in a more vulnerable state, and was able to learn and read each one a lot more deeper, rather than just Mom & Dad.  I guess what I've taken with me that I wish to give to my children is that no one expects these things to happen...but sometimes they do.  Do I swear to God and my husband, and myself, that I will do everything I can to keep my husband and I together forever?  Yes, I swear.  But the last few days, I've realised that some things are beyond my own control, and this is where as a mother I need to set some bases down now for the future.  And not in 'preparation' for divorce, but also death.  Anything could happen to my husband or I, and I want to know that my deepest wishes are being met when I'm not there.  Last night, I made my husband promise me that if we ever separated, or I died, that he would tell our kids often that he loves me.  Not loved, but loves.  I don't believe that if you were in love at one time and created a life together, you can ever go from love to loved, unless there was truly no foundation there in the first place.  To love a child you created with someone, you have to love the one you created the child with.  Other wise you'll begin to despise half the child.  You wont look at that child with as pure of a heart.  [notice I do not say in love, but there has to be an appreciation, a care, and a common understanding.]  I want our children to know that my husband and I love each other to the end of the world.  That they were created in pure love.  I want them to know they were not the reason we got married.  And most definitely that if we split up that they were not the reason for that either.  Any issues between mom and dad, are just that...between mom and dad.  I also made him promise to keep pictures of me around, but not just me, us as a family, as a couple, as parents...I can count how many pictures of my mom and dad I've seen...and almost all of them I just saw as recently as this year.  I also made him promise me to keep our story alive.  I have no idea how my parents fell in love, where their first date was, or their favorite movie to watch together.  I never felt like I was missing these things before, because I know that My mom and step-dad met at her work, had their first date with me and my brother at a mini-golf place, and their favorite vacation spot is on the coast where they engorge themselves with seafood for an entire weekend. But there's something about knowing the two people who created you that is so important once you become a parent.  I dream of telling my baby all about mom and dad, and I know my parents wanted the same for me, I'm sure.  I am thankful that things happened the way they did though, so that I know now the things I want for my kid.  Maybe if I had heard these stories of my parents, I wouldn't have appreciated my love story with my husband as much.
I believe that divorced parents can be a blessing in your journey as parent yourself.  You can take all the wonderful things, and all the bad things, and apply them to your children's lives in a positive way.  You can see the things you wish your parents had done, and do them yourself.  And not just with divorced parents, this applies to all childhoods...there is good and bad in each, and you just have to take what your parents did and learn from it, and use it in your day to day lives.  I don't believe in whining about it, or letting it affect you negatively.  God put me in my parents life for a reason, and he knew what lied before all of us.  I'm going to use his plan he had for them and apply it to the plan he has for my husband and I, because that's all I can do!  So I think it's important to not hold grudges against either parent for anything that happened in their marriage, because now it's your turn!