I can't believe I haven't written since shortly after Tucker was born...but then again, I can believe it. I've been busy. Currently, he's sleeping on the bed with his dad...which is a rare occasion. He's not one to sleep without his momma. ;)
Well, I sure thought having a baby would be the cure for my baby fever, but it just made it worse. I want another baby SO bad! But, after many talks, Thomas and I have agreed to wait until Tucker's 1st birthday to re-evaluate our lives, see where we are at, and if it would be a wise decision to start trying. =) Which means I have 7 months to make things happen. I gotta get my ducks in a row...New car, and another bedroom would do. I am playing around the idea of starting my own business, but I'm not going to share the details on here.
Basically, Motherhood is fantastic, and tiring, but mostly fantastic. I cry about everyday when I realize how fast time is flying. My perfect baby boy is growing up too fast! He's 5 months on the 14th, and weighs over 18 lbs. He's sitting up [for very short amounts of time], eating some foods, trying to crawl, rolling over, and loving tv [ugh, I know!].
He's happy, healthy, and absolutely a blast. I now understand so much more about life, seeing it through a parent's eye. I've honestly never been happier. I look at Tucker and I see this perfect product of my husband and I, and it's the most amazing thing.
I've pretty much kept up all my goals so far. Breastfeeding is going great, except that he's learned to bite-lovely, I know. He sleeps with us, I use my moby or a sling as much as possible, and we've never been apart. He's attached at my hip... literally. Only goal I missed was prolonging the food. I did want to wait six months, but I waited until 4 months-but for the first 3 weeks it was just letting him taste things, not really eat any good amount. But the last week he's eaten a couple of ounces every day just about. So far he likes pineapples, tomatoes, raspberries [kinda], carrots, potatoes, and bananas. He loves to eat and try to feed himself. =)
My health is pretty good. I fit back into my jeans when I got home from the hospital, and I was back down to my pre-baby weight at my 2 weeks appointment. I've been trying to eat better, but I have a lot of improvement in that area. I did bleed for 10 weeks, and I was so sore from pushing that I barely walked for the first 2 weeks...oh the things they don't tell you! =P Now, I'm up and about, and even finding [some] time to clean and cook!
I was collecting milk to donate, but that's a bigger commitment than I realized. It's hard enough to feed my baby [who still eats every hour!], and find time to pump on top of all of my other chores. I may start trying again now that it's winter and I don't really want to be out doing things in the rain. I feel terrible since I promised a mother in need my milk, and I've yet to get some to her. I pumped about 20 oz, but then it went bad before I could collect a good amount and drive it to her. =/ All well, I'm trying!
I finally got the nursery decorations up on Tucker's side of our room. So cute!
Well, that's it for now. I have so many topics that I want to discuss, but bed is calling me. [It's 9pm...I must be old! haha]
This blog is to keep my memory fresh on my journey of being pregnant. It's also there to keep people updated on how we are doing, and to help anyone out there who might have some of the same struggles as me. I also want to reach out to all types of families and situations. I want to teach what I learn, and help moms everywhere!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
My birth story!
So as I said in my last blog, I had pre eclampsia, so they began inducing me at 9:30 pm on June 13th. I was feeling contractions all that day, and they were getting more intense. They began the induction with Cervidil. That's a ribbon thats inserted in my vagina and attatched to my cervix. It's used to soften the cervix and help me dilate. This caused my contractions to get extremely intense. I was to leave this in for 12 hours at which point they would start the Pitocin. I was doing great with the contractions and back labor. I'm pretty proud of myself. No tears, no screams, I breathed through them great. After those 12 hours were up a nurse, who I wasn't very fond of, came in to take the ribbon out and check my cervix. When she began the exam it felt like my vagina had chemicals poured on it. It was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. I screamed and screamed. I had some sort of reaction to the medicine and aparently it was only going to get worse. Now, I had promised myself that I would not get any pain medication, but after 6 nurses telling me I need the epidural, my husband saying we just needed a healthy baby and nothing else mattered, and making my mom promise not to tell anyone, I got the epidural. I made it 14 hours into an induced labor without it, so I believe I still deserve some bragging rights there. I was humiliated though and completely crushed. They started the pitocin and my contractions got even worse, but the epidural made everything pretty easy. Finally they came and checked me at 7pm and I was fully dilated...I had been ready to push for a while at that point. so they set up the room and I began pushing at 7:15. My mom had my left foot, my husband had my right foot, and my best friend, Haley had the camera behind the doctor. She became my focal point during my pushing. Pushing actually felt great. Part of the reason I had pushed so long though, was that my contractions began to slow and I was waiting about 3 minutes in between each push. I pushed for about 2 hours when they figured out that the baby was stuck under my pubic bone and wasn't progressing downward. So the repositioned me on the bed. They laid the bed flat and I was on my bak and I arched up and looked straight behind me and that got the baby to move downward. Once the baby had moved down I got back up into the regular position and began pushing like crazy. They had told me they only allow two hours of pushing before calling in a c-section, but I pushed for 3 hours. Baby's head was out and everyone was cooing over all the hair they saw! The cord was wrapped around his neck, but I didn't even know that until my husband mentioned it 3 days later. Once his head was through [oh yeah...that ring of fire that no one tells you about until it's about to happens sucks, but I just pushed through real fast and got past it-which is probably why I tore so much!], the shoulders came right out and he slipped out pretty fast. As soon as the body was sliding out I got the euphoric, ectasy type feeling wash over my whole body. It was really an out of body experience. A warm tingling feeling stayed over me and nothing hurt anymore. All of a sudden I heard my husband say "It's a boy!" I bawled and after that everything was a blur. I sat there feeling so wonderful with my beautiful son on my chest. I delievered the placenta and it felt great, too. They stitched me up, which also didn't hurt, and then finally I came to and focused in on my husband washing the baby up. Finally he was back in my arms.
Tucker Stanley Poeschel was born June 14th, 2012, at 10:19pm. He was 6lbs 9oz and 20.5 inches long. He had a head full of dark hair and dark blue eyes, and olive skin. I instantly fell in love.
Tucker Stanley Poeschel was born June 14th, 2012, at 10:19pm. He was 6lbs 9oz and 20.5 inches long. He had a head full of dark hair and dark blue eyes, and olive skin. I instantly fell in love.
Too much time has passed.
So I have not updated this blog since I was 28 weeks pregnant, so I am just going to fill you in from where I left off.
My 2nd trimester ended smoothly off of bed rest, but as I entered my third trimest around 34 weeks I had some mild bleeding again, but it ended up being nothing. We did spend our Easter morning in Labor and Delivery though, monitoring the baby and the bleeding. They determined it was just my uterus stretching and causing a little bit of blood loss. The baby was totally fine so they sent me home.
With my last trimester came complete exhaustion. I'd sleep about 16-20 hours a day, and was only awake to get a snack or pee. I gained a total of 33 pounds with the pregnancy, and ended at 125lbs. my record was gaining 6 pounds in less than 2 weeks! My cravings toward the end were french toast, starburts, and of course Taco Bell. I have all three almost daily. I know, I know! I already feel guilty!
My baby shower was an amazing blessing. My mom had a BBQ and I got more gifts than I ever imagined! [Which reminds me of all the wonderful products I've come to love that I will share in a later blog!]
I ended up having a total of 4 sonograms throughout my pregnancy. Two of which were completely unnecessary and I am not thrilled about it. Since the determined in my second ultrasound that I did not have Placenta Previa, they shouldn't have continued with the sonograms, since everything was going healthy. But alas, I had one, and then a week later I have another! Next pregnancy I plan on standing up for myself a little better. I'm not recalling if I ever wrote a blog on the danger of ultra sounds but here's a good link to check out: http://www.unhinderedliving.com/pultra.html
So, that's the quick sum of my pregnancy up to 38 weeks [i'll share more details with the upcoming blogs]
At my 38 week check up I had really high blood pressure [which is very unusual for me!] and a high amount of protein in my urine. Both of which are signs of pre eclampsia, so they hooked me up to monitors to check on the baby-baby was fine but I was having contractions [most of which I wasn't feeling]. So they sent me to the hospital to be monitored more closely. They also sent me with a jug i had to collect all my pee in for 24 hours [which I had to keep in the fridge, so needlesstosay I was the butt of every joke that night when I had to go to the fridge which just annouced to everyone in the house that i had to go pee!]. I got to the hospital and after 5 hours my blood pressure went down so they sent me home. The next day I returned my jug to my doctor and they said I had 700mg of protein in my urine-400mg was the cut off. I was told to go to the hospital asap and to be prepared that if the tests came back bad I was going to be induced that night. After a few hours, my wonderful nurse Jeni informed me that I did indeed have pre eclampsia and I would indeed be induced. They began inducing me at 9:30pm June 13th.
Next blog---> Birth story.
My 2nd trimester ended smoothly off of bed rest, but as I entered my third trimest around 34 weeks I had some mild bleeding again, but it ended up being nothing. We did spend our Easter morning in Labor and Delivery though, monitoring the baby and the bleeding. They determined it was just my uterus stretching and causing a little bit of blood loss. The baby was totally fine so they sent me home.
With my last trimester came complete exhaustion. I'd sleep about 16-20 hours a day, and was only awake to get a snack or pee. I gained a total of 33 pounds with the pregnancy, and ended at 125lbs. my record was gaining 6 pounds in less than 2 weeks! My cravings toward the end were french toast, starburts, and of course Taco Bell. I have all three almost daily. I know, I know! I already feel guilty!
My baby shower was an amazing blessing. My mom had a BBQ and I got more gifts than I ever imagined! [Which reminds me of all the wonderful products I've come to love that I will share in a later blog!]
I ended up having a total of 4 sonograms throughout my pregnancy. Two of which were completely unnecessary and I am not thrilled about it. Since the determined in my second ultrasound that I did not have Placenta Previa, they shouldn't have continued with the sonograms, since everything was going healthy. But alas, I had one, and then a week later I have another! Next pregnancy I plan on standing up for myself a little better. I'm not recalling if I ever wrote a blog on the danger of ultra sounds but here's a good link to check out: http://www.unhinderedliving.com/pultra.html
So, that's the quick sum of my pregnancy up to 38 weeks [i'll share more details with the upcoming blogs]
At my 38 week check up I had really high blood pressure [which is very unusual for me!] and a high amount of protein in my urine. Both of which are signs of pre eclampsia, so they hooked me up to monitors to check on the baby-baby was fine but I was having contractions [most of which I wasn't feeling]. So they sent me to the hospital to be monitored more closely. They also sent me with a jug i had to collect all my pee in for 24 hours [which I had to keep in the fridge, so needlesstosay I was the butt of every joke that night when I had to go to the fridge which just annouced to everyone in the house that i had to go pee!]. I got to the hospital and after 5 hours my blood pressure went down so they sent me home. The next day I returned my jug to my doctor and they said I had 700mg of protein in my urine-400mg was the cut off. I was told to go to the hospital asap and to be prepared that if the tests came back bad I was going to be induced that night. After a few hours, my wonderful nurse Jeni informed me that I did indeed have pre eclampsia and I would indeed be induced. They began inducing me at 9:30pm June 13th.
Next blog---> Birth story.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Hospital Bag.
Maybe I'm just insane, but I've reached the point in my pregnancy where I'm up late making lists, checking them twice, organizing baby clothes, and reorganizing them the next day, and making phone number lists for everyone I'm close with just incase I go into labor while I'm with them. With that, I plan on packing my hospital bag sometime this week. I was planning on waiting until my baby shower [which is 3 weeks away!], but I think I might as well start it so I can add to it as I think of stuff. So I thought I'd share a great list I found online for all you mom-to-be's. And you can edit out, or add in, whatever you like.
For labor
- A picture ID (driver's license or other ID), yourinsurance card, and any hospital paperworkyou need
- Your birth plan, if you have one
- Eyeglasses, you wear them. Even if you usually wear contact lenses, you may not want to deal with them while you're in the hospital.
- Toiletries: Pack a few personal items, such as a toothbrush and toothpaste, lip balm, deodorant, a brush and comb, makeup, and a hair band or barrettes. Hospitals usually provide soap, shampoo, and lotion, but you might prefer your own.
- A bathrobe, a nightgown or two, slippers, and socks. Hospitals provide gowns and socks for you to use during labor and afterward, but some women prefer to wear their own. Choose a loose, comfortable gown that you don't mind getting dirty. It should be either sleeveless or have short, loose sleeves so your blood pressure can be checked easily. Slippers and a robe may come in handy if you want to walk the halls during labor.
- Whatever will help you relax. Here are some possibilities: your own pillow (use a patterned or colorful pillowcase so it doesn't get mixed up with the hospital's pillows), music and something to play it on, a picture of someone or something you love, anything you find reassuring. If you're going to be induced, think about bringing some reading material because it may be a while before labor is underway.
For your partner/labor coach
- A camera or video camera with batteries, charger, and memory card (or film or tape). Someone has to document the big event! (Note: Not all hospitals allow videotaping of the birth itself, but there's usually no rule against taping during labor or after the birth.)
- Toiletries
- Comfortable shoes and a few changes of comfortable clothes
- Snacks and something to read
- Money for parking and change for vending machines
- A bathing suit. If you want to take a bath or shower during labor, you may want your partner to get in with you to support you or rub your back.
After you deliver
- A fresh nightgown, if you prefer to wear your own
- A list of people to call and their phone numbers, your cell phone and charger or, if you'll be using the hospital phone, a prepaid phone card. After your baby's born, you or your partner may want to call family and friends to let them know the good news. Bring a list of everyone you'll want to contact so you don't forget someone important when you're exhausted after delivery.
- Snacks! After many hours of labor, you're likely to be pretty hungry, and you may not want to rely solely on hospital food. So bring your own – crackers, fresh or dried fruit, nuts, granola bars, or whatever you think you'll enjoy. A bottle of nonalcoholic champagne might be fun for celebrating, too.
- Comfortable nursing bras or regular bras. Whether or not you choose to breastfeed, your breasts are likely to be tender and swollen when your milk comes in, which can happen anytime during the first several days after delivery. A good bra can provide some comfort, and breast pads can be added to help absorb leaks.
- Several pairs of maternity underpants. Some women love the mesh underwear usually provided by the hospital, but others don't. You can't go wrong with your own roomy cotton underpants. The hospital will provide sanitary pads because you'll bleed after delivery. Make sure you have a supply of heavy-duty pads waiting at home!
- A book on newborn care. The hospital will probably provide you with a book, but you may prefer your own. Of course, the postpartum nurses will be there to answer questions and show you how to change, hold, nurse, and bathe your newborn if you need guidance.
- Photos of your other children. When they come to visit, they'll see that you haven't forgotten them.
- Gifts for older siblings. Some parents bring gifts for the new baby to "give" to big brothers and sisters.
- A notepad or journal and pen or pencil. Track your baby's feeding sessions, write down questions you have for the nurse, note what the pediatrician tells you, jot down memories of your baby's first day, and so on. Some people bring a baby book so they can record the birth details right away.
- A going-home outfit. Bring something roomy and easy to get into (believe it or not, you'll probably still look 5 or 6 months pregnant) and a pair of flat, comfortable shoes.
For your baby
- An installed car seat. You can't drive your baby home without one! Have the seat properly installed ahead of time and know how to buckle your baby in correctly.
- A going-home outfit. Your baby will need an outfit to go home in, including socks or booties if the clothing doesn't have feet, and a soft cap if the air is likely to be cool. Make sure the legs on your baby's clothes are separate so the car seat strap can fit between them.
- A receiving blanket. The hospital will provide blankets for swaddling your baby while you're there, but you may want to bring your own to tuck around your baby in the car seat for the ride home. Make it a heavy one if the weather's cold.
What not to bring
- Jewelry
- Lots of cash or other valuables
- Medications, including vitamins. Let your doctor know whether you're on any medications. The hospital will provide them for you if your doctor agrees that you should continue to take them while you're there.
- Diapers. The hospital will provide diapers for your baby while you're there. Leave your supply at home.
- A breast pump. If you end up needing a breast pump for any reason, the hospital can provide one.
Tips from moms who've been there
"For the drive to the hospital, you may want to bring a towel you don't care about and a garbage sack. Put the garbage sack down on your seat and then the towel. That way, if your water breaks on the way to the hospital, you don't have to worry about cleaning the car when you get home." – Anonymous"Bring both your glasses and your contacts, along with storage case and solution. I wore my glasses during labor with my first one, but it got so hot, the glasses just fogged up and I couldn't see what was going on – very frustrating. And just trying to wear glasses during delivery was annoying and one frustration I could've done without. So bring both. You may want to switch back and forth for comfort or convenience or whatever." – Anonymous"I brought a few changes of clothes, since you stay a few days after the baby is born. With hormones and everything, I sweated like crazy after I gave birth, so it was nice to change into some fresh pj's or some sweats or shorts during the day, especially with people always coming to visit. Just something that made me feel better." – groovitha"Disposable underpants – best advice I ever got! The mesh panties they give you at the hospital with the sanitary pads are not so comfy ... and once you get home, you probably won't be graduating to just a pad or pantyliner for a couple of weeks and you'll run out of the mesh panties before then!" – Anonymous"Bring the baby book. They will need to get footprints and while they are doing it for the birth certificate they can use the rest of the ink and make prints for your book!" – Anonymous"Bring baby nail clippers or an emery board. The hospital where my son was born didn't supply clippers for fear of liability, and as a result my son gouged his face before he was 12 hours old." – Jen"One thing that I didn't realize I would need was nipple cream. I found breastfeeding hard to get used to and had to get someone to buy this stuff for me because my nipples got chapped!" – Portsie"Bring cheap throwaway flip-flops to wear into the bathroom and shower. The hospital floors were icky." – kaym12"I have found that a box of chocolates or yummy treats for the nurses, left at the nurse's station as you check in, is a nice gesture. I know that sounds silly, but being a maternity nurse is a huge commitment with each new mom that comes in, and it's kind of nice to recognize that with a little something, since you'll be seeing a lot of each other over the next couple of days." – Marci"I brought everything on our list with our first child, and my husband had to haul it around. I didn't use half of it. A change of comfy clothes for you, your hubby, and the baby was all we really needed. Toiletries were good to have – like my toothbrush, of course. But everything else seemed to just clutter up our small room. Even the diaper bag I packed never even got opened! If you feel like you need all the extras, I would leave it in the car, just in case." –Jannell21
Parents! Don't back down!
I think it's really important to discuss your parenting strategies with your spouse before the baby is here, and once you've decided on something, don't back down. I believe you should listen to experienced parents advice, consider what they say, why they say it, and the possible outcome, but you don't need to change your opinion just because they've had kids before so they "must be right". I think new parents are pressured in so many ways to make "right" decisions for their children, when ultimately that's what life is about-learning for yourself. Especially if you know someone's kids have not turned out the way you would want for your own children, consider doing things differently. I've decided half way through my pregnancy that when someone shares with me how they would do something in a situation with their child, I'll listen, smile, and then keep my opinions to myself [for the most part]. I've gotten a lot of flack for the way Thomas and I believe children should be raised, and we've gotten a lot negative feed back that has hurt us. I get a lot of eye rolling, snarls, "psh's", and demeaning giggles, as if I have no clue what I'm doing and I just sound ridiculous. I don't think this is right. Not everyone needs to agree with how you plan to parent, but it's important to get support on your parenting decisions so make sure your spouse has your back, or it can really break you down! Unless someone is genuinely concerned about your baby's health or safety, then PLEASE consider what they are saying and if you have doubts as your doctor.
28 week update
Sorry it's been so long! It seems like my pregnancy is flying by!
Weight Gain:
I now weight 109 as of today's doctor's appointment. That's a total of 17 pounds gained. I have been eating a lot healthier this week, and I'm quite proud of myself-if only I could remember my prenatals more often! I've been eating a lot more fruit, yogurts, and getting lots of fiber and protein. I'm still craving a lot of cereal, sandwiches, pastas, and anything Mexican...and anything icey cold. If I could freeze everything I would. Oh and still putting mayo on everything!
Nursery:
We've added a beautiful rocking chair, thanks to my Dad and his wife, Pam! Other than that we haven't bought much more. I am getting some great project ideas thanks to Pintrest! I'll eventually post pictures once I get everything done.
Milestones:
I can now identify if it's hands & feet kicking me or if it's elbows or knees. I can no longer see my feet. I've signed up for childbirth classes and they start in the beginning of May. I'm doing a breast feeding class tomorrow.
Doctors:
So I've continued my healthcare with Mercy OB, and so far it's going pretty well. I did the glucose test about 3 weeks ago. The first time I did it, I threw up the juice, so I had to go back a week later and do it all over again. They put me on Zofran and it helps tremendously, since my queasiness has slightly returned. I had my first pelvic exam 3 weeks ago as well-and it went terrible. I've never had any female exams, and the doctor was not exactly gentle. Her fingernails cut me. =( I cried. And then she told me I may be too small to deliver, but I'm not really giving her opinion much thought honestly. I was 25 weeks at the time...there's no way my bones are done stretching in preparation for birth. I know plenty of girls my size or smaller who have had perfectly normal births, and I really have faith in my body and God that this is going to happen alright. If it doesn't, we'll deal with that then, but I really don't think I'm "too small to deliver". I did do a Non-Stress Test today because I've had the sensation that the baby is seizuring inside my stomach a couple times a week. You can look down at my stomach when it happens and you can see it shake. It's definitely not hiccups or contractions. It's the strangest thing. They hooked me up to the monitors to make sure the baby's heart rate was good and that he was getting enough oxygen, and everything was fine. I've looked online and some doctors believe that it's the baby practicing breathing and that's the nerves reactions to getting the amniotic fluid out of his lungs. Very weird, but all the women who say they've had the same experience [which seems to be a lot!] all said their baby's turned out fine and have never had any seizure disorders, heart problems, or anything of the sorts, so that's comforting. I just have to have faith that everything is alright.
Weight Gain:
I now weight 109 as of today's doctor's appointment. That's a total of 17 pounds gained. I have been eating a lot healthier this week, and I'm quite proud of myself-if only I could remember my prenatals more often! I've been eating a lot more fruit, yogurts, and getting lots of fiber and protein. I'm still craving a lot of cereal, sandwiches, pastas, and anything Mexican...and anything icey cold. If I could freeze everything I would. Oh and still putting mayo on everything!
Nursery:
We've added a beautiful rocking chair, thanks to my Dad and his wife, Pam! Other than that we haven't bought much more. I am getting some great project ideas thanks to Pintrest! I'll eventually post pictures once I get everything done.
Milestones:
I can now identify if it's hands & feet kicking me or if it's elbows or knees. I can no longer see my feet. I've signed up for childbirth classes and they start in the beginning of May. I'm doing a breast feeding class tomorrow.
Doctors:
So I've continued my healthcare with Mercy OB, and so far it's going pretty well. I did the glucose test about 3 weeks ago. The first time I did it, I threw up the juice, so I had to go back a week later and do it all over again. They put me on Zofran and it helps tremendously, since my queasiness has slightly returned. I had my first pelvic exam 3 weeks ago as well-and it went terrible. I've never had any female exams, and the doctor was not exactly gentle. Her fingernails cut me. =( I cried. And then she told me I may be too small to deliver, but I'm not really giving her opinion much thought honestly. I was 25 weeks at the time...there's no way my bones are done stretching in preparation for birth. I know plenty of girls my size or smaller who have had perfectly normal births, and I really have faith in my body and God that this is going to happen alright. If it doesn't, we'll deal with that then, but I really don't think I'm "too small to deliver". I did do a Non-Stress Test today because I've had the sensation that the baby is seizuring inside my stomach a couple times a week. You can look down at my stomach when it happens and you can see it shake. It's definitely not hiccups or contractions. It's the strangest thing. They hooked me up to the monitors to make sure the baby's heart rate was good and that he was getting enough oxygen, and everything was fine. I've looked online and some doctors believe that it's the baby practicing breathing and that's the nerves reactions to getting the amniotic fluid out of his lungs. Very weird, but all the women who say they've had the same experience [which seems to be a lot!] all said their baby's turned out fine and have never had any seizure disorders, heart problems, or anything of the sorts, so that's comforting. I just have to have faith that everything is alright.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
23rd Week Update
This will be a long blog full of great news...so again, I'll break this up in chapters.
"Come again, Doc?"-
Today is the 29th, I'm 23 weeks and 2 days along now. On the 22nd I went to my first doctor's appointment at Mercy OB. And let me take this moment to say they are fantastic. They are so nice, and my nurse, Mary, was sweet, informative, caring, and thorough. I was very pleased with my experience. But to the exciting part... At that doctors appointment I weighed 101! That's 9 pounds! My heart rate was good. Basically we discussed my placenta previa, and how we would go forward from there. I then asked if I could travel to Sacramento to watch my brother-in-law, Mark, graduate from college. She said she would order me a sonogram the next day so that we could re-evaluate the situation. So, basically she was telling me that if the placenta hadn't moved I wasn't going, so I made plans with family so that I wouldn't be stuck at home by myself while everyone was out celebrating. I had been told that the chances of the placenta moving are really one in a million that late into the pregnancy, and that if it was going to move at all it wouldn't do so until around 30-35 weeks. So, I went to my appointment the next day [the 23rd] anyways. They hooked me up to the ultrasound, and this time my husband got to be there. The sono tech wouldn't tell me anything, but she kept commenting on how active the baby was. I was told I have one of the most active babies they had seen in a while! I'm thinking that's good. I got ready to leave and I decided to ask the nurse if she thought the trip would be safe if I didn't do much walking and she said "You do not have placenta previa! Have safe travels!" "Wait...what? Are you sure?" I was positive that this was a dream. She was so non-chalant about it, I was sure there was a mistake. She said "Amber Reynolds, right? 10-23-92?" Haha, I started balling. I was trying to ask questions but couldn't get a sentence out without crying. This was the biggest miracle ever. I have had an army of people praying for me and the baby. God definitely conquered this. There is nothing scientific about this. Truly, this was the first time in my life where there was no doubt in my heart that God was on my side, and that my prayers were really being listened to. I always knew prayer worked...but to have 100% certainty of such was amazing. I felt like God personally tuned into my life and answered my biggest prayer of my life! It's so great to be touched by the Big Man. So we celebrated by going to Sacramento the next day. It wore me out, but it was great!
Off Bedrest-
So now I'm off bed rest, and the doctor called me today and told me the baby is measuring right on and they didn't find any abnormalities. So that's great! I do have some sort of minor infection though, but she believes it's caused by me not taking my Elmiron any more. She said it wasn't a big deal, so I didn't listen to the details much, just had her call in a prescription. It's not a UTI, but it's some sort of bacteria that my body is having trouble fighting. Being off bed rest has been great. I'm trying to work up my energy and muscle. Lying down 24/7 for almost two months does not do the body good. I get tired easily now, but I'm getting my house together! I am loving my new house, and we finally have the baby all set up. My life is getting back together. Getting my insurance worked out this week, and tomorrow I'm calling unemployment. I sure do miss work!
Cravings-
I eat cereal every day. Cheerios and Honey Bunches of Oats, especially. Taco Bell's taco supremes. Cranberry juice. Ice Cream. Cold things. Bland things. And of course mexican still.
Nursery-
We have been getting everything set up nicely. We decided to keep the crib broken down until we'll be using it. We have a bassinet I plan on using for a while. And I plan to co-sleep. I had ordered 3 more diapers a while ago, and they never came. I accepted that my great deal was too good to be true, and that I was scammed, but my in-laws showed up with them last weekend. It some how got shipped to their house instead of ours. So I now have 7 cloth diapers...slowly but surely building them up. My main things on my list of things we need before the baby gets here: Mini-washing machine, glider chair, more diapers, safety kits and first aid stuff, baby towels and bathroom stuff, a Moby wrap [or a more generic version haha], classic pooh crib set [of course that can probably wait], more clothes, a diaper pail or some sort of contraption for holding the dirty cloth diapers, newborn disposable diapers [we are doing disposable for the first 3 months or so], nursing bras, changing table pad, and the video baby monitor. While unpacking our new house, I've been finding all the pooh bear stuff I've been saving since I was a kid, and I'm excited to start setting things up. Also, I'll be starting all my little baby projects soon [wood letters, baby scrapbook, grocery cart cover, more bassinet sheets, tye dye onesies, ect.,...].
Milestones-
I think my only real milestone this week is that by the end of the week I'm considered a viable pregnancy! So everyday from here on out is hope!
"Come again, Doc?"-
Today is the 29th, I'm 23 weeks and 2 days along now. On the 22nd I went to my first doctor's appointment at Mercy OB. And let me take this moment to say they are fantastic. They are so nice, and my nurse, Mary, was sweet, informative, caring, and thorough. I was very pleased with my experience. But to the exciting part... At that doctors appointment I weighed 101! That's 9 pounds! My heart rate was good. Basically we discussed my placenta previa, and how we would go forward from there. I then asked if I could travel to Sacramento to watch my brother-in-law, Mark, graduate from college. She said she would order me a sonogram the next day so that we could re-evaluate the situation. So, basically she was telling me that if the placenta hadn't moved I wasn't going, so I made plans with family so that I wouldn't be stuck at home by myself while everyone was out celebrating. I had been told that the chances of the placenta moving are really one in a million that late into the pregnancy, and that if it was going to move at all it wouldn't do so until around 30-35 weeks. So, I went to my appointment the next day [the 23rd] anyways. They hooked me up to the ultrasound, and this time my husband got to be there. The sono tech wouldn't tell me anything, but she kept commenting on how active the baby was. I was told I have one of the most active babies they had seen in a while! I'm thinking that's good. I got ready to leave and I decided to ask the nurse if she thought the trip would be safe if I didn't do much walking and she said "You do not have placenta previa! Have safe travels!" "Wait...what? Are you sure?" I was positive that this was a dream. She was so non-chalant about it, I was sure there was a mistake. She said "Amber Reynolds, right? 10-23-92?" Haha, I started balling. I was trying to ask questions but couldn't get a sentence out without crying. This was the biggest miracle ever. I have had an army of people praying for me and the baby. God definitely conquered this. There is nothing scientific about this. Truly, this was the first time in my life where there was no doubt in my heart that God was on my side, and that my prayers were really being listened to. I always knew prayer worked...but to have 100% certainty of such was amazing. I felt like God personally tuned into my life and answered my biggest prayer of my life! It's so great to be touched by the Big Man. So we celebrated by going to Sacramento the next day. It wore me out, but it was great!
Off Bedrest-
So now I'm off bed rest, and the doctor called me today and told me the baby is measuring right on and they didn't find any abnormalities. So that's great! I do have some sort of minor infection though, but she believes it's caused by me not taking my Elmiron any more. She said it wasn't a big deal, so I didn't listen to the details much, just had her call in a prescription. It's not a UTI, but it's some sort of bacteria that my body is having trouble fighting. Being off bed rest has been great. I'm trying to work up my energy and muscle. Lying down 24/7 for almost two months does not do the body good. I get tired easily now, but I'm getting my house together! I am loving my new house, and we finally have the baby all set up. My life is getting back together. Getting my insurance worked out this week, and tomorrow I'm calling unemployment. I sure do miss work!
Cravings-
I eat cereal every day. Cheerios and Honey Bunches of Oats, especially. Taco Bell's taco supremes. Cranberry juice. Ice Cream. Cold things. Bland things. And of course mexican still.
Nursery-
We have been getting everything set up nicely. We decided to keep the crib broken down until we'll be using it. We have a bassinet I plan on using for a while. And I plan to co-sleep. I had ordered 3 more diapers a while ago, and they never came. I accepted that my great deal was too good to be true, and that I was scammed, but my in-laws showed up with them last weekend. It some how got shipped to their house instead of ours. So I now have 7 cloth diapers...slowly but surely building them up. My main things on my list of things we need before the baby gets here: Mini-washing machine, glider chair, more diapers, safety kits and first aid stuff, baby towels and bathroom stuff, a Moby wrap [or a more generic version haha], classic pooh crib set [of course that can probably wait], more clothes, a diaper pail or some sort of contraption for holding the dirty cloth diapers, newborn disposable diapers [we are doing disposable for the first 3 months or so], nursing bras, changing table pad, and the video baby monitor. While unpacking our new house, I've been finding all the pooh bear stuff I've been saving since I was a kid, and I'm excited to start setting things up. Also, I'll be starting all my little baby projects soon [wood letters, baby scrapbook, grocery cart cover, more bassinet sheets, tye dye onesies, ect.,...].
Milestones-
I think my only real milestone this week is that by the end of the week I'm considered a viable pregnancy! So everyday from here on out is hope!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I know it's been a while...20 week update.
Let me break this up in chapters.
My Apologies
Sorry to all of you who have been all but begging me to update my blog. I get really excited to hear that people are so into it, but then I leave you hanging! My last post was so poorly written, mostly because of the tears streaming down my face at the time of writing it, and I just wanted to get it done. So here I am 20 weeks pregnant, now. I haven't felt like writing about anything, because I guess since I almost lost the baby, nothing but my baby, my body, and my marriage seem merely important. Which is always true, but I guess I've just clammed up and other than my parents and my husband, I haven't really wanted to talk to much of anyone. Mostly because they want to talk about all the baby stuff, which sometimes I'm just not in the mood to deal with-I try not to get emotional infront of people. And also because everyone seems to have doctor advice from their school of "I've never had children, but I know everything, and I can be your own personal doctor" haha.
My Annoyances
I shouldn't be mean, because I truly do love input...when I ask for it. And also I'm sick of hearing everyone tell me the following:
"If you lose the baby it was just meant to be, trust that God has a plan"
-That is my least favorite, because I believe that 1. God's plan was for me to be pregnant, and for me to be a mom, and 2. I believe more than anything this baby has a purpose in the world, and I plan to do all I can to make sure the baby makes it here. I truly have no doubt in my heart that the attack on my health is not God related, but purely satan. My faith in God is what's getting me through this. So it's a nice thought, but please don't say this to me any more.
"If you're careful and do everything right, I'm sure the placenta will move"
Actually, in my case, it has nothing to do with me. I am to stay on bed rest to prevent bleeding of the placenta, other than that the placenta moving is a miracle up to God, and my chances are very slim. I've accepted this, and I wish everyone else would too.
and lastly, "The c-section is no big deal, most women would prefer it"
The part that I like to hear is that the c-section is no big deal, the part that annoys me is that most women would prefer it. If they do, that's great for them. But I seem to get no sympathy at my loss for experiencing birth. I feel like my biggest dream has been ripped away from me. Sure, I may get to try it again in my next pregnancy, but to be honest, I've been thinking seriously about making this my last pregnancy [future blog?]. So let's assume that this is my last pregnancy...then the one thing I've dreamt of my entire teen life is gone. I understand that all that matters is having my baby here and being a mother, and trust me-I'm not taking any of this for granted. But I am surely allowed to be sad that I don't get to go through this. I'm quite aware that not many people are "into" the type of birth that I was, but it was important to ME and I'm sad. Not to mention, I'm deathly afraid of needles, knifes, hospitals, doctors, and catheters. All of which I will soon be facing.
So back to my update I suppose...I'm doing ok. My husband has been fantastic. Sure our house is a disaster, but we've never been closer. Everyday he makes sure I'm full-all the time [makes for a very dirty kitchen], he makes sure I'm entertained [so far monopoly has become the ultimate war and leverage in the house], and he gives me so much love and support [what other man would let me read pregnancy books/sites to him, stop whatever he's doing to feel/watch the baby kick, and rub my feet without asking?]. Truly my husband has made everything easier, better, and fun. I'm so blessed to have him in my life. Is he perfect? No...but he's perfect for me in every way. I don't want to spend my time on much else besides hanging out with him, my best friend!
Also, the support of my mom has been amazing too. I text her ridiculous questions, I call her with every worry, and through all of this I've felt like I have a true friend, because I feel like she's the only one who can truly understand how I feel and what I fear. She lost a baby around 5 months of being pregnant, before my little brother was born. They tried for years to have a baby, and then they finally get pregnant, and they lose it. Just when they were ready to give up, my mom got pregnant again in 2002, with my perfect little brother, Colton, who is 10 years younger than me. If anyone understands my fears of losing a baby, and wanting nothing more than to make this happen, it's my mom. Though I lost a baby 3 years ago [to the day almost], this one seems so much different. Probably because I didn't know I was pregnant until a few days before I miscarried [though I had my suspicions, I just ignored it], but I really feel like this baby is meant to be here, and I have never felt the love and connection with anyone else in my life than I do with this baby in my belly. Every kick sends a tidal wave of love to my heart, and sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode. I would do anything and everything to protect this baby, and I plan on doing just that.
Doctors
Ok, here's a story for you. So I'm sure I mentioned in the last blog, but when I found out that I have placenta previa, I had to go to a regular doctor. A doctor that accepted mid-pregnancy patients at high risk with a complete previa...psh, ya. So, my mid-wife refers me to THE ONLY ONE named Nasise. His office is about 30 miles away, and I'd have to have my c-section at the hospital in Red Bluff [which typically is a nicer hospital any ways...so I didn't mind] I heard great things about this doctor, so I was really excited to meet up with him. I get in there and he really didn't give me much information on anything, but luckily I knew quite a bit about what was going on before I got there. And then I handed him the disability papers for him to send in and he refused to sign them. I almost lost the baby due to walking too much and working too hard causing the low lying placenta to bleed which can kill the baby, and this man told me to go back to work! He said my pregnancy is not a viable pregnancy until 28 weeks, and he would not do anything to prevent miscarriage until I'm viable. I was 19 weeks when I went into his office, a little longer and I would be viable, and he wouldn't help save my baby?! He said miscarriages are common and his office wont do anything to prevent them until 28 weeks. He made me feel like my baby didn't matter to him, but he's not the one that feels his little kicks in the morning, and he's not the one who spent years praying for and dreaming about this baby, so of course, he couldn't understand! So I went home and bawled for hours...actually an entire day and a half. I finally called my boss, [they replaced me as soon as my midwife put me on bed rest, because they needed someone in the office. I'm still employed, but not working, and I wont return until late this year when I'm ready to just be a fill in, I want to be a stay at home mom, but I wasn't ok with completely leaving my job that I love so much!] and she was super supportive on trying to figure out what to do. But here I am- jobless, on bed rest, but not official bed rest because frankly, my doctor was an asshole. So, I considered going back to work, but every instinct in me told me not to get off my couch. That even if I was going to miscarry anyways, I was going to make sure to do everything I can to prevent it. I was not going to be at fault for anything. So I called my boss, and she immediately told me not to come to work, to stay in bed, and we'll figure everything out. So the next day I spent hours calling doctors trying to find someone else that would take me. Finally I find Mercy OB Clinic that works through Dr. Perry. Who I also hear is fantastic. Oh wait...did I mention that while at the Dr. office of Nasise, I find out my insurance I've been using this whole time doesn't cover maternity? Grrrreat...so now I'm in the process of being signed up for medi-cal. Yay. So I have an appt at Mercy OB on the 22nd of this month. I'm praying she signs the disability papers so I can have some sort of income on my part. It's been rough financially, and anything would help at this point. Especially since I've been paying deductables out of pocket, and will have to back pay my midwife, since she doesn't accept medi cal and my insurance isn't going to give her anything. So here I am, in between doctors. Out of all this though, it's inspired me to want to become a midwife...maybe that's what I'll go to school for? Hmmm...
Nursery
In the last week or so we got the crib, dresser, and changing table from my step-mom's brother & wife. Such a blessing! It's the type of crib that turns into the toddler bed and then regular kid bed...and it's a pretty light wood, and they gave it to us for $50! Also, my friend Tenisha gave me a stroller and carseat that were brand new and totally cute. And I have my bassinet all ready to go with 3 sets of sheets that I made with my grandma. I've started buying the cloth diapers. I have 4 right now, and with our tax return we plan to buy a set of 24 online for about $100. We still have quite a bit to buy, but we are getting there! I also want to paint some wood letters to hang above the crib that spell out the baby's name. So I'll have to make a boy set and a girl set. =)
Cravings
Alright so here's some new cravings, and the things I can no longer stand.
I eat at least two popsicles a day...I love anything cold. I'm not a big fan of anything sweet, but if it's cold and sweet I like it. I hate chocolate now, which is sad...but I can eat chocolate ice cream still. The baby kicks like crazy every time I eat popsicles! Also mexican food is my primary life source. I could eat salsa and sour cream all day. [with tortillas of course!] The spicier the better! Peanut butter is now only good on pancakes and french toast...if I eat it by itself or on anything else it tastes like lettuce. I love extra mayonnaise on everything. Oh and I eat a turkey sandwich just about every day. Also, I can't seem to drink enough water. My water intake has quadrupled, seriously! I'm always thirsty! Smartwater and Great Value are some of the few that taste good to me though. Arrowhead is now disgusting [used to be my favorite].
Emotions
Besides the obvious stress of everything going on, I've been having some crazy emotional break downs over ridiculous things. Last night I cried because I folded an 18 month onesie. Me: "I can't believe our baby will be big enough to wear this! *starts crying*" Tom: "Yes, he will, and someday he'll ride a bike, and go to college, and get married, and make us grandparents, but for now let's make sure the crib is set up before you give birth to him, because, remember, Amber? You're still pregnant, the baby doesn't even fit into newborn clothes yet" Me: "I know, but it wont take long, then it's all over!" Tom: "Want a popsicle?" -yes, that really happened. haha. Sometimes I cry when I see babies, I'm not sure if it's a happy cry or a sad cry, I think it's just an overwhelming cry. I cry when I'm frustrated that I can't get my pillows just right. I cry when I feel bad for asking for another water bottle. I cry when Tom leaves for work. I cry when he gets home from work. I cry when the food he makes me tastes really good. I cry when it doesn't taste like I hoped. I cry when he brings me home gifts, and I cry when he rubs my feet without asking. Basically, I cry a lot. haha.
Also, I am always stressing about something. I hate not being able to do much, because if I could, this house would be spotless. I want to scrub walls and clean cupboards and organise wedding stuff, but I can't, and that's probably my biggest emotional confliction right now.
Milestones
I had to buy bigger underwear! Oh my goodness. I've worn 5s since I was 14 [extra smalls] and I went a bought smalls about a month ago, and now those are too tight, so I bought medium granny panties and the leg holes are huge and saggy but the belly part is tight...I feel huge! haha. Also, I bought some sports bras [that are supposed to be stretchy]. Before I got pregnant I wore either a 32C or a 34B, I bought a 36C and it's tight! My boobs are veiny and tight and sore and leaking, and I have to say, I am starting to come to terms with the fact that they will never be the same. Sad day. I hope my husband enjoyed them while they lasted. My belly button..."wait, what belly button?"...exactly. It's gone. Poof. I look like those mannequins at the mall that are missing vital human features...like, I don't know, a freaking belly button! haha. My wedding ring is getting tighter...which is actually a good thing. My ring would only size down to a 3, and it was still loose, so it's good that my fingers are getting fatter. I do bump into things now with my belly, and when I look down I can only see the tips of my toes, and when I brush my teeth in the shower, I can't just spit straight down because it hits my belly, sort of like when my grandpa spills when he eats-I have spots on my shirts where I drop food now! haha. And lastly, I'm officially up to an average of 3 naps a day. Even while I'm on bed rest, I get so wore out. So to all you working pregnant mammas-I salute you!
I suppose that's it. Keep an eye out the next few days for blogs about c-sections, bed rest, church support, decisions as a parent that you shouldn't back down on, and a few others. I am excited to be back to writing! Keep me and baby in your prayers please. We are doing good right now, but I've accepted that anything can happen. Thanks for reading everyone!
My Apologies
Sorry to all of you who have been all but begging me to update my blog. I get really excited to hear that people are so into it, but then I leave you hanging! My last post was so poorly written, mostly because of the tears streaming down my face at the time of writing it, and I just wanted to get it done. So here I am 20 weeks pregnant, now. I haven't felt like writing about anything, because I guess since I almost lost the baby, nothing but my baby, my body, and my marriage seem merely important. Which is always true, but I guess I've just clammed up and other than my parents and my husband, I haven't really wanted to talk to much of anyone. Mostly because they want to talk about all the baby stuff, which sometimes I'm just not in the mood to deal with-I try not to get emotional infront of people. And also because everyone seems to have doctor advice from their school of "I've never had children, but I know everything, and I can be your own personal doctor" haha.
My Annoyances
I shouldn't be mean, because I truly do love input...when I ask for it. And also I'm sick of hearing everyone tell me the following:
"If you lose the baby it was just meant to be, trust that God has a plan"
-That is my least favorite, because I believe that 1. God's plan was for me to be pregnant, and for me to be a mom, and 2. I believe more than anything this baby has a purpose in the world, and I plan to do all I can to make sure the baby makes it here. I truly have no doubt in my heart that the attack on my health is not God related, but purely satan. My faith in God is what's getting me through this. So it's a nice thought, but please don't say this to me any more.
"If you're careful and do everything right, I'm sure the placenta will move"
Actually, in my case, it has nothing to do with me. I am to stay on bed rest to prevent bleeding of the placenta, other than that the placenta moving is a miracle up to God, and my chances are very slim. I've accepted this, and I wish everyone else would too.
and lastly, "The c-section is no big deal, most women would prefer it"
The part that I like to hear is that the c-section is no big deal, the part that annoys me is that most women would prefer it. If they do, that's great for them. But I seem to get no sympathy at my loss for experiencing birth. I feel like my biggest dream has been ripped away from me. Sure, I may get to try it again in my next pregnancy, but to be honest, I've been thinking seriously about making this my last pregnancy [future blog?]. So let's assume that this is my last pregnancy...then the one thing I've dreamt of my entire teen life is gone. I understand that all that matters is having my baby here and being a mother, and trust me-I'm not taking any of this for granted. But I am surely allowed to be sad that I don't get to go through this. I'm quite aware that not many people are "into" the type of birth that I was, but it was important to ME and I'm sad. Not to mention, I'm deathly afraid of needles, knifes, hospitals, doctors, and catheters. All of which I will soon be facing.
So back to my update I suppose...I'm doing ok. My husband has been fantastic. Sure our house is a disaster, but we've never been closer. Everyday he makes sure I'm full-all the time [makes for a very dirty kitchen], he makes sure I'm entertained [so far monopoly has become the ultimate war and leverage in the house], and he gives me so much love and support [what other man would let me read pregnancy books/sites to him, stop whatever he's doing to feel/watch the baby kick, and rub my feet without asking?]. Truly my husband has made everything easier, better, and fun. I'm so blessed to have him in my life. Is he perfect? No...but he's perfect for me in every way. I don't want to spend my time on much else besides hanging out with him, my best friend!
Also, the support of my mom has been amazing too. I text her ridiculous questions, I call her with every worry, and through all of this I've felt like I have a true friend, because I feel like she's the only one who can truly understand how I feel and what I fear. She lost a baby around 5 months of being pregnant, before my little brother was born. They tried for years to have a baby, and then they finally get pregnant, and they lose it. Just when they were ready to give up, my mom got pregnant again in 2002, with my perfect little brother, Colton, who is 10 years younger than me. If anyone understands my fears of losing a baby, and wanting nothing more than to make this happen, it's my mom. Though I lost a baby 3 years ago [to the day almost], this one seems so much different. Probably because I didn't know I was pregnant until a few days before I miscarried [though I had my suspicions, I just ignored it], but I really feel like this baby is meant to be here, and I have never felt the love and connection with anyone else in my life than I do with this baby in my belly. Every kick sends a tidal wave of love to my heart, and sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode. I would do anything and everything to protect this baby, and I plan on doing just that.
Doctors
Ok, here's a story for you. So I'm sure I mentioned in the last blog, but when I found out that I have placenta previa, I had to go to a regular doctor. A doctor that accepted mid-pregnancy patients at high risk with a complete previa...psh, ya. So, my mid-wife refers me to THE ONLY ONE named Nasise. His office is about 30 miles away, and I'd have to have my c-section at the hospital in Red Bluff [which typically is a nicer hospital any ways...so I didn't mind] I heard great things about this doctor, so I was really excited to meet up with him. I get in there and he really didn't give me much information on anything, but luckily I knew quite a bit about what was going on before I got there. And then I handed him the disability papers for him to send in and he refused to sign them. I almost lost the baby due to walking too much and working too hard causing the low lying placenta to bleed which can kill the baby, and this man told me to go back to work! He said my pregnancy is not a viable pregnancy until 28 weeks, and he would not do anything to prevent miscarriage until I'm viable. I was 19 weeks when I went into his office, a little longer and I would be viable, and he wouldn't help save my baby?! He said miscarriages are common and his office wont do anything to prevent them until 28 weeks. He made me feel like my baby didn't matter to him, but he's not the one that feels his little kicks in the morning, and he's not the one who spent years praying for and dreaming about this baby, so of course, he couldn't understand! So I went home and bawled for hours...actually an entire day and a half. I finally called my boss, [they replaced me as soon as my midwife put me on bed rest, because they needed someone in the office. I'm still employed, but not working, and I wont return until late this year when I'm ready to just be a fill in, I want to be a stay at home mom, but I wasn't ok with completely leaving my job that I love so much!] and she was super supportive on trying to figure out what to do. But here I am- jobless, on bed rest, but not official bed rest because frankly, my doctor was an asshole. So, I considered going back to work, but every instinct in me told me not to get off my couch. That even if I was going to miscarry anyways, I was going to make sure to do everything I can to prevent it. I was not going to be at fault for anything. So I called my boss, and she immediately told me not to come to work, to stay in bed, and we'll figure everything out. So the next day I spent hours calling doctors trying to find someone else that would take me. Finally I find Mercy OB Clinic that works through Dr. Perry. Who I also hear is fantastic. Oh wait...did I mention that while at the Dr. office of Nasise, I find out my insurance I've been using this whole time doesn't cover maternity? Grrrreat...so now I'm in the process of being signed up for medi-cal. Yay. So I have an appt at Mercy OB on the 22nd of this month. I'm praying she signs the disability papers so I can have some sort of income on my part. It's been rough financially, and anything would help at this point. Especially since I've been paying deductables out of pocket, and will have to back pay my midwife, since she doesn't accept medi cal and my insurance isn't going to give her anything. So here I am, in between doctors. Out of all this though, it's inspired me to want to become a midwife...maybe that's what I'll go to school for? Hmmm...
Nursery
In the last week or so we got the crib, dresser, and changing table from my step-mom's brother & wife. Such a blessing! It's the type of crib that turns into the toddler bed and then regular kid bed...and it's a pretty light wood, and they gave it to us for $50! Also, my friend Tenisha gave me a stroller and carseat that were brand new and totally cute. And I have my bassinet all ready to go with 3 sets of sheets that I made with my grandma. I've started buying the cloth diapers. I have 4 right now, and with our tax return we plan to buy a set of 24 online for about $100. We still have quite a bit to buy, but we are getting there! I also want to paint some wood letters to hang above the crib that spell out the baby's name. So I'll have to make a boy set and a girl set. =)
Cravings
Alright so here's some new cravings, and the things I can no longer stand.
I eat at least two popsicles a day...I love anything cold. I'm not a big fan of anything sweet, but if it's cold and sweet I like it. I hate chocolate now, which is sad...but I can eat chocolate ice cream still. The baby kicks like crazy every time I eat popsicles! Also mexican food is my primary life source. I could eat salsa and sour cream all day. [with tortillas of course!] The spicier the better! Peanut butter is now only good on pancakes and french toast...if I eat it by itself or on anything else it tastes like lettuce. I love extra mayonnaise on everything. Oh and I eat a turkey sandwich just about every day. Also, I can't seem to drink enough water. My water intake has quadrupled, seriously! I'm always thirsty! Smartwater and Great Value are some of the few that taste good to me though. Arrowhead is now disgusting [used to be my favorite].
Emotions
Besides the obvious stress of everything going on, I've been having some crazy emotional break downs over ridiculous things. Last night I cried because I folded an 18 month onesie. Me: "I can't believe our baby will be big enough to wear this! *starts crying*" Tom: "Yes, he will, and someday he'll ride a bike, and go to college, and get married, and make us grandparents, but for now let's make sure the crib is set up before you give birth to him, because, remember, Amber? You're still pregnant, the baby doesn't even fit into newborn clothes yet" Me: "I know, but it wont take long, then it's all over!" Tom: "Want a popsicle?" -yes, that really happened. haha. Sometimes I cry when I see babies, I'm not sure if it's a happy cry or a sad cry, I think it's just an overwhelming cry. I cry when I'm frustrated that I can't get my pillows just right. I cry when I feel bad for asking for another water bottle. I cry when Tom leaves for work. I cry when he gets home from work. I cry when the food he makes me tastes really good. I cry when it doesn't taste like I hoped. I cry when he brings me home gifts, and I cry when he rubs my feet without asking. Basically, I cry a lot. haha.
Also, I am always stressing about something. I hate not being able to do much, because if I could, this house would be spotless. I want to scrub walls and clean cupboards and organise wedding stuff, but I can't, and that's probably my biggest emotional confliction right now.
Milestones
I had to buy bigger underwear! Oh my goodness. I've worn 5s since I was 14 [extra smalls] and I went a bought smalls about a month ago, and now those are too tight, so I bought medium granny panties and the leg holes are huge and saggy but the belly part is tight...I feel huge! haha. Also, I bought some sports bras [that are supposed to be stretchy]. Before I got pregnant I wore either a 32C or a 34B, I bought a 36C and it's tight! My boobs are veiny and tight and sore and leaking, and I have to say, I am starting to come to terms with the fact that they will never be the same. Sad day. I hope my husband enjoyed them while they lasted. My belly button..."wait, what belly button?"...exactly. It's gone. Poof. I look like those mannequins at the mall that are missing vital human features...like, I don't know, a freaking belly button! haha. My wedding ring is getting tighter...which is actually a good thing. My ring would only size down to a 3, and it was still loose, so it's good that my fingers are getting fatter. I do bump into things now with my belly, and when I look down I can only see the tips of my toes, and when I brush my teeth in the shower, I can't just spit straight down because it hits my belly, sort of like when my grandpa spills when he eats-I have spots on my shirts where I drop food now! haha. And lastly, I'm officially up to an average of 3 naps a day. Even while I'm on bed rest, I get so wore out. So to all you working pregnant mammas-I salute you!
I suppose that's it. Keep an eye out the next few days for blogs about c-sections, bed rest, church support, decisions as a parent that you shouldn't back down on, and a few others. I am excited to be back to writing! Keep me and baby in your prayers please. We are doing good right now, but I've accepted that anything can happen. Thanks for reading everyone!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
16 & 17 week update...Blegh!!
I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've updated this, but to be honest, this has been the hardest week of my entire life. I'm 17 weeks and 3 days as I write this, and I've never been so thankful to say that I'm pregnant right now, because all week I've though that we were miscarrying. So here's the story.
I'm skipping week 16 completely, because nothing too much happened, other than I got some great baby projects done [which I'll post later on]
So on Sunday night [today is Wednesday] I was celebrating my dad's birthday at his house [which is two doors down from mine-thank God!] and as we were wrapping up a game of Phase 10, I thought I felt some discharge in my panties, and I ignored it since we were leaving soon anyways. When we left I went upstairs to my apartment, went pee, and when I finished I saw the toilet was full of blood, and so was my panties-and there was a blood clot...of course it's decieving to bleed into a toilet since a few drops can turn the whole thing red, but I flipped out. I was hysterically yelling for my husband, and got his phone and called my mom, and she reminded me to call my midwife, and when I did my midwife told me to come straight to her house [the birthing center] to see if we could hear the baby's heartbeat and he sounded good, and he was moving around. My midwife checked my pad, and it looked like the bleeding had stopped, so she sent me home and we decided not to get the sonogram because most likely it wasn't going to show anything, and we just wanted to wait and see if anything happens. I wasn't having cramping or any pain, so there was a good chance that it wasn't anything. The next day I took it easy and had no bleeding. Then Tuesday afternoon I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding again. I went hysterical. Here I just calmed myself down and dismissed it as nothing, and it was back! I called my midwife and she wanted to get me in for a sonogram but the earliest they could get me in was 9am today. So we drove to her house and heard the heartbeat again and everything seemed fine. By the time we got to her house the bleeding stopped again. So we had the option of going to the hospital, hoping they would give me a sonogram, and wait two days at least to get the information sent to my midwife, or going through the night, worrying a lot, but finding out what is going on a few hours after. It was hard to wait and feel like I'm doing nothing, but we decided to wait until the morning. I spent the entire night crying, and got about two hours of sleep-of which I had a horrible nightmare about picking up my baby out of the toilet full of blood. Needless to say, it was a rough night. I finally got to wake up and start my day, and my mom and stepdad, Monty, took me to the sonogram. I walked into the room with the thought that this was probably my goodbye to the baby, which for that reason I was glad my husband wasn't there. I needed this moment. Mind you the night before my midwife said I need to come to terms that this is probably the begining of a miscarriage. I laid down on the table and tried to breathe. Immediately I saw him wiggling around, and I started balling. The baby was doing great, but then we see the placenta is lying completely over the cervix, which means complete placenta previa. Which I don't want to get too much into on this post. Long story short, my midwife calls me over to her house as soon as she gets the results and tells me she is no longer going to be my caretaker unless I refuse to see a doctor, and that I will need to go on bed rest and have a c-section. How ironic. The girl that hates doctors, the girl who just started nesting and wanting to house work, the girl who most feared c-sections and needles-I feel like my world is tumbling down around me. Most likely the baby will come early, so everything about the birth is really risky. That's where we are at right now. I'm waiting to find out who my new doctor will be, but we are inquiring doctors in Red Bluff before we settle for Mercy. In the meantime, my husband is amazing. He's catering to my every need. I'm really thankful for all the prayers and all the support from family and friends. I'm hanging in there, but truly, this is all tearing me apart. My every nightmare is coming true. I just want this baby in my arms already. I love him so much already, and I'm willing to lay down my life for him. I feel so helpless.
I'm skipping week 16 completely, because nothing too much happened, other than I got some great baby projects done [which I'll post later on]
So on Sunday night [today is Wednesday] I was celebrating my dad's birthday at his house [which is two doors down from mine-thank God!] and as we were wrapping up a game of Phase 10, I thought I felt some discharge in my panties, and I ignored it since we were leaving soon anyways. When we left I went upstairs to my apartment, went pee, and when I finished I saw the toilet was full of blood, and so was my panties-and there was a blood clot...of course it's decieving to bleed into a toilet since a few drops can turn the whole thing red, but I flipped out. I was hysterically yelling for my husband, and got his phone and called my mom, and she reminded me to call my midwife, and when I did my midwife told me to come straight to her house [the birthing center] to see if we could hear the baby's heartbeat and he sounded good, and he was moving around. My midwife checked my pad, and it looked like the bleeding had stopped, so she sent me home and we decided not to get the sonogram because most likely it wasn't going to show anything, and we just wanted to wait and see if anything happens. I wasn't having cramping or any pain, so there was a good chance that it wasn't anything. The next day I took it easy and had no bleeding. Then Tuesday afternoon I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding again. I went hysterical. Here I just calmed myself down and dismissed it as nothing, and it was back! I called my midwife and she wanted to get me in for a sonogram but the earliest they could get me in was 9am today. So we drove to her house and heard the heartbeat again and everything seemed fine. By the time we got to her house the bleeding stopped again. So we had the option of going to the hospital, hoping they would give me a sonogram, and wait two days at least to get the information sent to my midwife, or going through the night, worrying a lot, but finding out what is going on a few hours after. It was hard to wait and feel like I'm doing nothing, but we decided to wait until the morning. I spent the entire night crying, and got about two hours of sleep-of which I had a horrible nightmare about picking up my baby out of the toilet full of blood. Needless to say, it was a rough night. I finally got to wake up and start my day, and my mom and stepdad, Monty, took me to the sonogram. I walked into the room with the thought that this was probably my goodbye to the baby, which for that reason I was glad my husband wasn't there. I needed this moment. Mind you the night before my midwife said I need to come to terms that this is probably the begining of a miscarriage. I laid down on the table and tried to breathe. Immediately I saw him wiggling around, and I started balling. The baby was doing great, but then we see the placenta is lying completely over the cervix, which means complete placenta previa. Which I don't want to get too much into on this post. Long story short, my midwife calls me over to her house as soon as she gets the results and tells me she is no longer going to be my caretaker unless I refuse to see a doctor, and that I will need to go on bed rest and have a c-section. How ironic. The girl that hates doctors, the girl who just started nesting and wanting to house work, the girl who most feared c-sections and needles-I feel like my world is tumbling down around me. Most likely the baby will come early, so everything about the birth is really risky. That's where we are at right now. I'm waiting to find out who my new doctor will be, but we are inquiring doctors in Red Bluff before we settle for Mercy. In the meantime, my husband is amazing. He's catering to my every need. I'm really thankful for all the prayers and all the support from family and friends. I'm hanging in there, but truly, this is all tearing me apart. My every nightmare is coming true. I just want this baby in my arms already. I love him so much already, and I'm willing to lay down my life for him. I feel so helpless.
Monday, January 2, 2012
15 weeks.
I turned 15 weeks today. Not too much has changed other than just feeling pregnant 100% of the time. It's hard to bend over...well not hard, just uncomfortable, so I avoid it. Work is becoming annoying for that reason-getting into tall trucks just doesn't happen. I feel huge. But of course I'm not. A new annoyance is my boobs are leaking the clear stuff, and it stings a little bit, so I started wearing nursing pads today. I felt like a total dork with bandaids over them, like I did when I was a little girl and they were first growing. So sore!
Speaking of boobs, at my last doctor's appointment, I brought up my concerns about my breastfeeding difficulties. I've been concerned because only my right breast is changing and growing. My left one is just chillin' there without a worry. I've always had difficulty with my left breast in general, so I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to breast feed, but with much confidence my midwife told me "not to worry because many women breast feed with just one breast"...yeah, just what I wanted to hear doc! haha. We'll see what happens, and I wont give up. If I only get to use one, then I'll make it work.
A little about my short appointment-The heartbeat was strong, but she only listened for a second, so I didn't get to try to hear for two heartbeats. She said next time would be a better time to try to decipher two different ones. I'm still measuring big. I did some research and according to babycenter.com I'm measuring 3 weeks bigger than I am [I think I did it right!]. This is making the idea of twins swim through my brain, but I'm trying to get worried or excited yet. Measuring big could mean lots of things-more fluid than normal, just a big baby, or maybe I'm just so small that it has no where to go.
I only gained two pounds in the last 4 weeks, so I'm trying really hard to change that.
We discussed my diet, and I got really emotional. I'm trying so hard to eat better,but it's just not good enough, and it makes me feel like an awful mother. So, I'm trying to man up with the situation. I can't eat raw veggies...I just can't. So my husband has been putting them in my fruit smoothies. I'm trying to drink V8 and Odwalla or whatever it's called. It's awful, but I'm trying. The textures of veggies makes me throw up, and they get caught in my throat, and it's the worst torture of them all. Pathetic? Maybe... I am doing better with the fruits....I used to feel the same about them. I love the flavor of fruits-but hate the texture...so I always got my fruits in through jamaba juices and health popsicles. But I'm actually starting to eat some here and there. This is the hardest part of pregnancy for me honestly.
With the second trimester a lot has changed for the better...My sickness is all gone, but I do get motion sickness once in a while. I still hate beef and chocolate, which I was hoping would improve these last few weeks. Sex is finally enjoyable...so for all you pregnant ladies who was repulsed by the idea like me, it gets better so don't give up for your poor husband! Not only is it enjoyable, but I actually want it, so that's great. My midwife gave me some great information about sex positions and what not that I will share in a separate blog post sometime. [I feel like I make lots of blog promises, but I promise that I will keep them sooner or later!]
One thing I've been struggling with this week and the week before-my nightmares are back. the weird dreams have stopped, and now I'm having my horrible unmentionable nightmares again like I did when I was a kid. They pretty much subsided when I was about 16, but they are back full fledged and worse than ever before. So I'm hoping this doesn't continue. =/
Well that's about it, I suppose.
Speaking of boobs, at my last doctor's appointment, I brought up my concerns about my breastfeeding difficulties. I've been concerned because only my right breast is changing and growing. My left one is just chillin' there without a worry. I've always had difficulty with my left breast in general, so I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to breast feed, but with much confidence my midwife told me "not to worry because many women breast feed with just one breast"...yeah, just what I wanted to hear doc! haha. We'll see what happens, and I wont give up. If I only get to use one, then I'll make it work.
A little about my short appointment-The heartbeat was strong, but she only listened for a second, so I didn't get to try to hear for two heartbeats. She said next time would be a better time to try to decipher two different ones. I'm still measuring big. I did some research and according to babycenter.com I'm measuring 3 weeks bigger than I am [I think I did it right!]. This is making the idea of twins swim through my brain, but I'm trying to get worried or excited yet. Measuring big could mean lots of things-more fluid than normal, just a big baby, or maybe I'm just so small that it has no where to go.
I only gained two pounds in the last 4 weeks, so I'm trying really hard to change that.
We discussed my diet, and I got really emotional. I'm trying so hard to eat better,but it's just not good enough, and it makes me feel like an awful mother. So, I'm trying to man up with the situation. I can't eat raw veggies...I just can't. So my husband has been putting them in my fruit smoothies. I'm trying to drink V8 and Odwalla or whatever it's called. It's awful, but I'm trying. The textures of veggies makes me throw up, and they get caught in my throat, and it's the worst torture of them all. Pathetic? Maybe... I am doing better with the fruits....I used to feel the same about them. I love the flavor of fruits-but hate the texture...so I always got my fruits in through jamaba juices and health popsicles. But I'm actually starting to eat some here and there. This is the hardest part of pregnancy for me honestly.
With the second trimester a lot has changed for the better...My sickness is all gone, but I do get motion sickness once in a while. I still hate beef and chocolate, which I was hoping would improve these last few weeks. Sex is finally enjoyable...so for all you pregnant ladies who was repulsed by the idea like me, it gets better so don't give up for your poor husband! Not only is it enjoyable, but I actually want it, so that's great. My midwife gave me some great information about sex positions and what not that I will share in a separate blog post sometime. [I feel like I make lots of blog promises, but I promise that I will keep them sooner or later!]
One thing I've been struggling with this week and the week before-my nightmares are back. the weird dreams have stopped, and now I'm having my horrible unmentionable nightmares again like I did when I was a kid. They pretty much subsided when I was about 16, but they are back full fledged and worse than ever before. So I'm hoping this doesn't continue. =/
Well that's about it, I suppose.
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