15 weeks.

I turned 15 weeks today.  Not too much has changed other than just feeling pregnant 100% of the time.  It's hard to bend over...well not hard, just uncomfortable, so I avoid it.  Work is becoming annoying for that reason-getting into tall trucks just doesn't happen.  I feel huge.  But of course I'm not.  A new annoyance is my boobs are leaking the clear stuff, and it stings a little bit, so I started wearing nursing pads today.  I felt like a total dork with bandaids over them, like I did when I was a little girl and they were first growing.  So sore!
Speaking of boobs, at my last doctor's appointment, I brought up my concerns about my breastfeeding difficulties.  I've been concerned because only my right breast is changing and growing.  My left one is just chillin' there without a worry.  I've always had difficulty with my left breast in general, so I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to breast feed, but with much confidence my midwife told me "not to worry because many women breast feed with just one breast"...yeah, just what I wanted to hear doc!  haha.  We'll see what happens, and I wont give up.  If I only get to use one, then I'll make it work.
A little about my short appointment-The heartbeat was strong, but she only listened for a second, so I didn't get to try to hear for two heartbeats.  She said next time would be a better time to try to decipher two different ones.  I'm still measuring big.  I did some research and according to babycenter.com I'm measuring 3 weeks bigger than I am [I think I did it right!].  This is making the idea of twins swim through my brain, but I'm trying to get worried or excited yet.  Measuring big could mean lots of things-more fluid than normal, just a big baby, or maybe I'm just so small that it has no where to go.
I only gained two pounds in the last 4 weeks, so I'm trying really hard to change that.
We discussed my diet, and I got really emotional.  I'm trying so hard to eat better,but it's just not good enough, and it makes me feel like an awful mother.  So, I'm trying to man up with the situation.  I can't eat raw veggies...I just can't.  So my husband has been putting them in my fruit smoothies.  I'm trying to drink V8 and Odwalla or whatever it's called.  It's awful, but I'm trying.  The textures of veggies makes me throw up, and they get caught in my throat, and it's the worst torture of them all.  Pathetic?  Maybe...  I am doing better with the fruits....I used to feel the same about them.  I love the flavor of fruits-but hate the texture...so I always got my fruits in through jamaba juices and health popsicles.  But I'm actually starting to eat some here and there.  This is the hardest part of pregnancy for me honestly.
With the second trimester a lot has changed for the better...My sickness is all gone, but I do get motion sickness once in a while.  I still hate beef and chocolate, which I was hoping would improve these last few weeks.  Sex is finally enjoyable...so for all you pregnant ladies who was repulsed by the idea like me, it gets better so don't give up for your poor husband!  Not only is it enjoyable, but I actually want it, so that's great.  My midwife gave me some great information about sex positions and what not that I will share in a separate blog post sometime.  [I feel like I make lots of blog promises, but I promise that I will keep them sooner or later!]
One thing I've been struggling with this week and the week before-my nightmares are back.  the weird dreams have stopped, and now I'm having my horrible unmentionable nightmares again like I did when I was a kid.  They pretty much subsided when I was about 16, but they are back full fledged and worse than ever before.  So I'm hoping this doesn't continue.  =/
Well that's about it, I suppose.